Hope this is helpful!

Our home has been “off” since things have gone south in my marriage. Learning to deal with a child’s unique independence requests are difficult when you are emotionally drained yourself.

I’ve learned to put myself in time out more than her, or ignore a lot of the little things. The good news, is everyone else in the world thinks she’s a saint. It’s our little secret that she can be a monster. = )
StudentMama´s last blog ..Separation Feelings

I think each child is so different that you’ll just have to take a deep breath, keep the big picture in mind, and try different things with your little one and see what works.

Eventually, it passes. Not much comfort right now, but the “big picture” approach helps. There are so many positive and good things (like health and a good home) to focus on. Those exhausting little stresses do add up, but try putting them in perspective. And pour a glass of wine and sip slowly, on the rare occasions that you can.

It helps.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Bread crumbs, stale crusts, potions: I don’t talk about my ex

In your examples, “Put on your coat please. NO!” Pick up the coat and put it in the closet. He’ll freeze for a day and it will go better the next day. He’ll live, trust me. There are no 2nd chances or repeating.

“Please stop banging your fork.” Next time he does it, he is done eating for that meal. He can have another chance at the next meal. Trust me he want starve longer than a day.

These sound cruel but two consistent days of this will be a life time of less stress. It will get worse for a day before it gets better. The more my kids fuss, the less options they get as the day goes on. What I mean by this, is ask yourself how many choice you are giving him? “Do you want to wear the green outfit or the blue one? Do you want cereal or eggs? Shall we go shopping or to the park?”

As disobedience goes up, choices go down. As obedience goes up, choices go up. On days of high disobedience, I didn’t let my son or daughter make a single choice. I picked their clothes, food, activities, toys, sleep time, everything.

Today my kids are 10 and 5 and are well behaved kids. My wife and I get compliments every where we go. It works, hang in there and be consistent.

Incidentally, your kids behavior at your Ex’s house is not your problem. You cannot parent to the other side. They will learn boundary in both places.
Fred Campos / FullCustodyDad´s last blog ..The Power of an Apology

While I agree that you have to pick your battles, I think once you pick them you have to stay with them. For instance, I need my son to walk to and from the car without running away from me or getting distracted. This is because I usually am carrying a bunch of stuff, it is close to cars, and often we need to be somewhere by a certain time.

I found myself not fighting the battle of doing the task in front of us when it didn’t matter if we were late. However this was more confusing. So now when we leave the house, I try to let him know if we are going out to play, to do laundry or go to the car, and then enforce the expectations whether or not it is important at the very moment. This has made it easier for him to behave when it is important…
Samantha´s last blog ..Get a Date and Support a Single Mom

My 7 yo has been refusing to wear his coat, so we compromised and I let him drape it over his shoulders. In the last few days, it has gotten a bit colder, and sure enough, he’s putting his arms in the sleeves now.

Lots of us have been there (and are still there). If you need some inspiration or some reminders, watch Supernanny. She is “spot on” about expectations and consequences.