Comments on: Do you tell your kids the truth?

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 23:50:55 +0000

Ashley Yarboro: Thank you for sharing your story with us. We wish you and your kids well. It can’t be easy. Please stay in touch with us.

By: Ashley yarboro

Ashley yarboro — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 23:44:29 +0000

My husband went to prison when my oldest son was 4 months shy of being 5 years old. There was no need to lie or deny what was going on, especially since my husband would be gone at least 10 years. My husband stole something and my child knows that and obviously knows the consequences. He is now telling his younger brothers about it (age 2 and 1) and I think it has helped him to cope with it since he gets honest answers and is encouraged to talk about it.

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 15:01:21 +0000

Oneida: Thanks for joining the conversation. We understand your dilemma. We’d love to hear from other parents whose spouses or partners have been in jail. How have you handled discussing this (or not) with your kids?

By: Oneida

Oneida — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 14:08:10 +0000

I can totally relate! However, I opted to not say anything because I felt my son was too young too comprehend. He is only 5 years old now and his dad was in jail for 2.5 years of his young life. I would say to him that his dad lived too far and was unable to visit. I still face the fact that my son is getting older and I don’t know if down the line I should share that truth or his father should (since he’s out of jail now).

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 03:42:08 +0000

@Diane: Happy Birthday to your son! We’re honored when someone has an “a ha” moment here. Please keep us in touch.

By: Diane

Diane — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 02:37:44 +0000

My ex has been in jail for about a year now and we have a son who is almost 4 years old (next week is his birthday – actually he has the same birthday as his dad/my ex). I have also read a lot about this type of situation and even my counselor told me I should tell him the truth in an age-appropriate manner. I told my son that Daddy made a bad choice and that we all can make good or bad choices and some bad choices result in jail. I told him Daddy is a good person and he loves him very much. His daddy writes to him and calls weekly and he is showing me (and him) that he wants to be in our son’s life which is great. It is hard because sometimes my son will say – that person made a bad choice by littering and now they’re going to go to jail – so now I realize that I have to teach him that some bad choices are worse than others.

It’s hard but I think I’ve done the right thing. I grew up being sheltered from every bad thing and I have been very naive and it’s horrible because I would rather my mother have told me that bad things happen and allow me to deal with bad feelings. I have struggled with all sorts of things (nothing illegal) but I have had hard times trusting people – ahh!

I just had an ah ha moment – I probably have had trust issues because I was lied to but the lies were told out of a good heart but it ended up hurting me because I have had to teach myself to deal with bad feelings in my 30′s. So, I’m glad that I’m teaching my son that life isn’t all rosy. I think for my situation, this is a good decision on my part. But, like all parental decisions, we each have to feel confident with our own decisions and stand firm.

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 17:54:16 +0000

@V: Please keep in touch with us as you face these challenges — and we hope you have some good friends/family to lean on right now.

By: V

Fri, 11 Mar 2011 16:31:44 +0000

Wow this is the story of my life! After 10yrs I left my husband/daughters father because he was doing at least 3months what seemed like every year! And now yet again 2 weeks before her birthday he is going to fed. prison for 1 year at least. My daughter is only turning 4 so I’m not sure what to tell her, I think I will get presents and sign his name on them, just this one time. I think I have alot of underlying issues with this whole situation my own father having been a gambling addict.

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 01:21:04 +0000

@Carrie: Thanks for reaching out to us during this challenging time. We will follow up offline. Big hug!

By: Carrie

Carrie — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 00:42:18 +0000

I have 3 children, 5,7 and 9. My ex-husband was just incarcerated for 45 days for non-payment of child support. It happened the day before my daughter’s 9th birthday. They have been disappointed so many times by him in the past few years that it was 5 days later that they finally asked if they could call him. Normally, he would call every night. I hadn’t received any questions until 5 days later. I then chose to tell the truth that they couldn’t call him because Daddy didn’t do what the judge told him so he was in jail. After 3 weeks we received a letter asking if he could call and talk to them. I’m unsure about this and am wondering if I should allow it, if I should just allow them to write back, or if I should just tell him no. He is a drug addict and will only be allowed to have supervised visits.