Comments on: My parents don’t want me to date

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 20:24:49 +0000

Joanna: What kind and generous advice. We thank you for joining this conversation. We hope you visit us again soon.

By: joanna

joanna — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 19:11:04 +0000

I totally understand the dichotomy between listening to your parents and to your heart. You can have a relationship and peace of mind. The truth is once you have a child and split from your partner you constantly judge yourself. Having others judge your actions and or new relationships can be intimidating to say the least.

The main problem is your ‘guilt’. Parents are always concerned but I’m sure they are not as anxious as you are. Give yourself some time to get to know this person before you see it in terms of a date. Then trust yourself and the decisions you make for you and your child …I’m sure your make the right ones.

Lots of luck

Joanna

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 20:12:45 +0000

@Ashley: Thanks for sharing your story with us.

We’re hoping that our readers might chime in with some advice re: how to tell your parents that you’re dating.
Stay in touch!

By: Ashley B

Ashley B — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 20:03:52 +0000

I feel your pain. Although every situation is different, I feel as though I am going through the same issue with my parents. I am a single mommy, and my son’s father has never been present. I havent dated anyone seriously since my son was born. Sure I have gone one dates, but not ever brought anyone around my son that I was even thinking about as more than a friend. It just seemed unfair to him, like it would be confusing. But now I am ready, and I have started dating someone who makes me very happy, and I think I deserve that. My parents, however, have a different view of how I need to go about this and dont really think I should be dating at all. The problem I have is why do they feel as though their opinion is the law? I dont live with them, the dont support me financially and havent since I was 18, and I have recently completed my degree and secured a great job. I should be moving along with my life, and that would be a natural part of the process. I feel as though the time is right, and it feels right to me, so Im going to continue dating him. Any advice on how to delicately let my parents know would be greatly appreciated. To this young lady, I would advise that her parents point that she needs to focus on her two main priorities is very relavent, and true, but that does not mean that she can’t take time for herself doing whatever it is that makes her happy as long as it isn’t self destructive. Attention from a male companion is very important to a woman, and no matter what point you are at in life, that desire to be desired never goes away. Just be careful to make sure that whoever you choose to spend your time with is worht it, that they deserve your attention. Never make them a priority in your life if to them you are only an option.

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 21:19:48 +0000

Melissa: Having “to hear” about what you should and should not do often comes with the parental helping hand after a break-up. We’re delighted you joined the conversation.

Momof1: You bring up such an important point: “me time” is crucial. We’re confident you will meet an *amazing* man. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

By: Momof1

Momof1 — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 20:34:07 +0000

What do you miss most about dating? Is it the companionship? Or are you missing friendships? As a single mom, I have been completely focused on my little man. BUT I strongly believe that I have to have some “ME” time to keep my sanity. I also feel like since I work 50 hrs a week, time away from him has to be worth it.

Since relationships come and go…I made it a point to hang out with friends with and without my little man. I figured any guy worth my time will understand why he’s not the priority in my life. Since I also live in a very conservative home (baby’s dad isn’t paying child support), I wait until his visits to dads to date. Some guys are ok with that. Some move on. As far as I’m concerned, I have plenty of time to meet an amaaaazing man. In the mean time, build lasting friendships; have girls nights; go out for dinners; do 5ks together; take your toddler bowling together. And turn to he great men in your life (grandpa, dad, brothers, cousins) for the good every day male role models for your little one.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 18:07:29 +0000

I had the exact same problem with my mother and family. When I separated 4 years ago and wanted to date like 10 months later, she had a fit and said the same thing to me as this young lady’s parents are saying to her. As long as she can study enough and spend a lot of quality time with her child, there should not be a problem. Now that i dont live with my mother nor receive any help from her, I dont have to hear anything she says. Good luck!

By: Natalie Z.

Natalie Z. — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 22:02:14 +0000

My own parents are not worried about ‘ME’ specifically being in a romantic relationship. They are worried about my toddler. They are concerned she may be neglected in favor of the romance. They are also concerned about her getting attached and hurt if the romance doesn’t work out.
Parents (myself included) tend to lean (or fall completely over) toward conservatism where their children are concerned.
My advice would be to keep dating relationships light at first. If a man can’t understand that he can’t be your first priority right now, then he’s not worth your time. Family is the only thing that really matters in life.
Good luck to you. Your parents will come around. Be patient with them and know that one day you will probably feel the same way about your own child.

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 22:43:15 +0000

Lisa: We’re SO happy to welcome you to our Singlemommyhood community. We respect your faith and perspective on how your future will unfold. Please visit us again soon.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 18:48:11 +0000

I have been a single mom for three go rounds now. It is difficult to not have a male in your life but if you are anything like me, I sometimes get sidetracked when a man is in my life because I want to focus a good majority of my time on him. However, that time is just not there.
I am not sure of your take on God, but what I believe (after doing it wrong so many times on my own) is that God will place the right man in my life when the time is right and when I am ready.
I too crave that affection but I have been without someone for a while now and have focused on myself. I too am going to school and am taking classes online now toward my Master’s degree in psychology through 6wk courses (In my opinion the online shortened classes are the best way! I went to conventional colleges but with working and going to school I felt like I was never getting anywhere. Since then, I have slowed my role by not working a full-time job and actively being a part of my kids’ life. The online classes are full time and though finances are tight right now without working, (I do accept help the government while I am in transition and help with babysitting and the like from my parents) it is worth it for me to get the degree faster. I am being fed through a bible study as well and I admit that it is harder at times than others but I am trusting God too. I cry, I feel guilty as you do but am believing that having a relationship with God, some focus on me-time and even building relationships with other women and mothers is of help to me.
Do not give up! This week may be tough but next will make up for it. A man, I do not know when but he will come into your life and will be all you need him to be (with maybe a flaw here or there but not who you have dated in the past – no-one is perfect). Parents can be rough and I found it easier when I did not live with them (now they retired and moved in my basement – two separate households makes it easier). Hang in there though and e-mail me back if you want.