Comments on: When your ex never leaves

By: Tiia Jones

Tiia Jones — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 15:17:06 +0000

When I first began dating a certain man, he and his ex had a similar relationship and I thought it was SO abnormal. It made me wacky, and I peppered him with questions about it. As time went on, I realized that it worked for them and for their little boy (who had some severe issues). I think it’s easy to judge when it’s not your situation and, especially, not your child. OTOH, if and when it’s bothering the mother she’ll have to set boundaries. I guess we have to assume it’s not bothering her enough to do that at this time.
Tiia Jones´s last blog ..Single Mom Summer

By: The Ringleader

The Ringleader — Sun, 02 May 2010 20:02:58 +0000

I think it’s all about the people involved. I think there are strong, laid back people who can be ok with this situation. I don’t know that I could. I applaud those who can though.
The Ringleader´s last blog ..Just Having Fun

By: Kerri

Kerri — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 03:50:59 +0000

I love this too, and it also sounds like an arrangement I had for a few years with the father of my son and a boyfriend. BabyDaddy & I weren’t having sex and defined our relationship as strictly ‘co-parenting’ but we came & went from each other’s houses very casually all the time. It was important to me because I respected and liked him as a man and as the father of my kid. Plus, my son was the absolute number one priority for me and I knew for him to have a good life that he needed lots of time with both of us. Boyfriend knew he was down my list but it seemed to work out for all of us for quite a while. I don’t understand why people would label this ‘dysfunctional’… I call it ‘flexibly creative.’
Kerri´s last blog ..The Ice is Getting Thinner

By: Wendy Cooper

Wendy Cooper — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 00:52:11 +0000

As a single mom who`s ex lives on the other side of the continent… as a single mom with extremely little support in the way of a sitter that I`m comfortable with (let along being able to afford the time or the money) and very little family around me to help out… I don`t see a problem with this.

I think it`s an individual thing – if it doesn`t work out with her boyfriend because of her ex being around in their current situation – she`ll have learned and will make changes or find someone that will accept it if it`s that important to her to keep that situation going.

At this present time – our home is a place where only very very good friends visit. I have yet to meet someone or go out with someone long enough to introduce them to my son. Our house is his territory and I can`t disrupt that.

Maybe I wouldn`t think it was ok if I were in the boyfriend`s shoes – but I haven`t been (in his shoes) and I can`t pretend to be – if he were that upset about it he has the choice to not accept it and leave the situation.

Honestly, I think they all have an ideal situation which also benefits the boyfriend in that they get time to go out or have time alone without the son knowing he`s with someone that will take care of him in a way he`s used to without removing him from his home and any routines. Logistically speaking it totally works with driving back and forth and shipping over night bags, toys, etc from house to house.

I don`t see it as being selfish as much as it is sensible and the best situation for the son.

If you could imagine where her story goes after that party – my scenario would be that the two men realize they are both good guys and get along, become friends and it`s one big happy family.

Just my 2 cents.

By: Robyn

Robyn — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 17:58:07 +0000

Well, given that my ex is about to move back into my house for a few months, I can completely identify with this scenario. It is weird, and definitely not normal, but I don’t think that means it’s dysfunctional. That said, it’s not easy, either, but I am working to set out clear boundaries to make things go more smoothly. I also have a new boyfriend — who’s, thankfully, understanding of the situation — but I don’t think I’d go so far as to have him come over and hang out with me and the ex! Bottom line for me is this: divorce sucks, even when it’s clearly the best possible choice, so whatever works for each family is great!
Robyn´s last blog ..There’s No Manual for This!

By: Jane

Jane — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 15:41:26 +0000

What an interesting scenario. A gentle divorce, that allows her to remain married. And have a boyfriend. This is the ultimate in control. It will, however, change, when her ex becomes involved with another woman, if he ever chooses to. Unless, he too, chooses to find someone who does not want to fully engage, in a relationship. Interesting. We all know how our kids, are our barometers…the teen years with this family will be interesting.
Jane´s last blog ..Easter

By: **Jeannie

**Jeannie — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 00:35:03 +0000

What’s the ex husband’s toothbrush doing in her apartment?
**Jeannie´s last blog ..Happy Easter

By: Mike

Mike — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:53:27 +0000

Hey if you can have a good relationship with your ex, cheers to you. However certain boundaires need to be maintained like having the locks changed. I’m a big believer in that if you don’t fully close the door to one relationship you’re not going to have healthy new one.
Mike´s last blog ..Was it like the risotto?

By: MommaSunshine

MommaSunshine — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 00:53:32 +0000

I think it’s too much. While it’s admirable to have a close relationship with your ex, I am strong believer in boundaries. I don’t think it’s good for the child, and it’s definitely not good for this mom’s new relationship. It’s time to put up some boundaries and get the ex a little bit more out of her life, in my opinion….
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..We Are ALL Beautiful

By: SDMktg

SDMktg — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 00:16:31 +0000

This kind of reminds me of my ex who just a few months after our split asked if I wanted to go on a “family” vacation and sleep in separate beds and only last year wanted to know if she could stay at my place and drive my car when she visits the kids. (she moved out of state) Like Ms. Morrison I’m sure I put up with more than friends and family feel is right but I’m trying my best to do what’s right for the kids and most of the time avoiding major fights over little things seems to be best. However, I did put my foot down on the above issues and many others. There are times when I feel like she thinks we’re still married but without the sex.

As for dating someone with this kind of relationship with her ex I’d have to pass. The key to the place is just too much and waiting for him to leave when you get home from a date would be very uncomfortable.