“But I am the parent. That gives me the right and the responsibility to do what I think is best for my family.”

is a great reminder for me! Thank you!

My 14 year old son and I talk about a lot of things. We have talked and will talk more about what happens in our family. But I am the parent. That gives me the right and the responsibility to do what I think is best for my family. This also gives me the opportunity to discuss the importance of the need for intimacy (not just sex) in peoples lives.

I don’t have a set time in mind but more of a play it by ear. Life is complicated but with communication and love in mind, it will all work out.

Don’t get in the habit of bringing lots of members of opposite sex to meet your children. Children attach quickly and they experience hurt and confusion if that relationship ends…no matter what level of friendship the mom has with the man.

Never, never have adult ‘relations’ while your children are under the same roof. Anything could happen at any moment. Not a good example and difficult to explain when your child finds you in your locked bedroom…and naked.

I want my children, when they are old enough, to do the same–spend time with people who make them happy and if that works out for decades, fantastic! If not, it makes life more pleasant along the way.
Teresa´s last blog ..Writers’ Weekend at the beach

And I also think that if you have a good relationship with the kids’ father, it is a good idea to have him meet the new boyfriend before the kids do.

Anywho…after I found out about his 7 year affair I started seeing a therapist weekly. In my sessions I found the strength to accept what I wanted out of life and believe that I deserved to be happy. It took a year before I asked him to leave for good.

I started dating a man soon after he moved out. I already knew him. I’ve known him socially for almost 2 years. We always had an attraction but I was married and we left it at that.

So we flowed into things pretty easily. I still see my therapist and while he thinks I moved quickly (again!) he is coaching me and his priority is that I don’t repeat the same patterns. So far I haven’t.

I realize that this situation, while easy for me since I’ve been in it for over a year, is new to them. While our marriage was rocky and unstable almost the entire time we were together, it’s ALL they’ve known and they are very attached to their dad and the idea of us together.

The kids have seen their Ped and counselors at school about this on a regular basis. I talk to them about how they are feeling about things.

I introduced my kids to the new guy in January. After we had been dating for about 4 months and had decided to be “exclusive”. I am a mom 99% of the time. If he can’t fit into that, then there really is no point in continuing a relationship. I have to know how he and the kids interact and blend. I can’t know that without putting them together.

There are no guarantees. Whether a person is in your life for a year or ten years, we never know. I want to teach my kids that all people cross our lives for a reason and every experience, good, bad and otherwise, is a gift. I don’t think it’s fair to my kids to allow them to think life is lollipops and bubble gum. I don’t let them watch violence on TV, news or video games, but loss and love are part of life. I want them to be able to adapt and accept this as fact.

My kids are also my kids. I am the adult. I know they didn’t chose me as their mom but they got me! I don’t want them to think I am perfect. I also don’t want them to ever feel guilty for having held me back from something that may have made their mother happy. My kids are so sensitive. That would break their hearts.

I keep open communication with them, I listen to their concerns, but I am not a sacrificial mother. I have waited my entire life for the love and respect that I have found now. I didn’t look for it, it evolved. Should I turn him away because I didn’t meet some arbitrary deadline? I don’t think it will be without bumps and transitions, but kids mourn divorce throughout their lives on many different developmental levels. Even children who are “ok” with it at 10, may again resent it at 16. Sadly, children of divorce will never be without wounds but it is possible for them to be healthy, thriving children, teens and adults.

I hope like heck I’m not screwing my kids up but I’m tragically flawed and that’s ok. If they are hurting, I will comfort them. I will be there to accept my role in their sadness, anger, happiness and frustration. My parents screwed me up! I still love and respect them for everything they were as parents and everything they were NOT as parents. They did their best at the time, just as I am doing.

FTR my kids are 15, 13, 9, 8 and 5.5 yrs old!

He’s the first man I’ve dated that I’ve introduced the kids to and hopefully he’ll be the last…