1. It stops me from ringing my ex and begging him to give us another chance! (sad, inn’it?)
2. I can be as honest as possible because no one is there to judge me.

I lead a very busy life juggling so many things you wouldn’t believe but I still want to make time for that special someone. I know I am not emotionally ready now to take the plunge but I am not getting any younger either, so head over matter? I’ll keep you posted.
Kiki Williams´s last blog ..E- Dating and What Have You

Even though you don’t pay your neighbor, you could return the favor in kind. I like too cook, so I always make a batch of soup or lasagna or something that can be helpful to them in a pinch! And no, even if you are a mom, you need to take the time off! I had to learn that in a [ugh averting a major burnout situation. So take the time off to get a massage, watch a movie, hang out at the coffee shop – whatever that replenishes you. It is a gift that will keep giving! Remember, very soon, your kid will be big enough to join you in most adventures. My son has become a terrific companion over the years. Not that a child can fill the role of an adult, but he partakes of in activities that energize me – all-weather outdoor activities, cooking and eating out (he is an adventurous and mature diner!)and travel. When your cup is full, you can give more!

Teresa, I couldn’t agree with you more. While solo parenting has its challenges, once your build your social and personal resources, it is a lot less demanding than juggling relationship and parenting demands! Part of the reason I quit even casual dating, while I could keep it casual, the other person always got emotionally involved and hurt in the process. But that shouldn’t really stop anyone from dating should they be interested. In fact, I genuinely believe that solo motherhood is the biggest screening device you can have for discarding jerks etc. in dating relationships. Because you are so focused on your own and your child’s lives and you are not desperately trying to fill a void, you actually end up attracting and retaining quality guys. A convoluted logic but I think being a solo parent liberated me from the biological clock induced relationship decisions:)

I agree with Karma that as single/solo parents, we need to learn to seek help. This was initially very difficult for me but life throws so many curve balls that it also taught to be humble, graceful, and grateful. When my son was first born, I used to be so scared to leave him unattended even for a few minutes that had to ask someone to come in for a half hour so I could shower!

I think there is definitely a line between people who have children and who don’t. They may be wonderfully supportive if they know what it involves. For example, on the day after we came home from the hospital, I asked my closest male friend (the one who drove me and my son from the hospital) to spend a night with us so I could rest a bit. He brought a six pack and a laptop because that is how we used to hang out before the baby! I just laughed, thrust my son on his chest and went to sleep for the next three hours. So, yes, there are some who don’t offer at all, because it never really occurs to them, and there are some who offer but are clueless about how to help, and finally, there are some who don’t want to do it. I think it is also important for us not to be resentful/upset with them because some friendships that we make pre-baby are made under different circumstances and cannot bear the burden of the changed conditions. Is it unfair? I don’t know. I have stayed friends even with those and they are great to go out and have fun with and kind of recapture your pre-baby fun part of life:)

Finally, I have a question. I have been dating a really wonderful man for about two months now and have been intimate for two weeks. We are exclusive, on the verge of serious but it is still early days yet. He has met my son a couple of times and is really interested in spending more time with him and building a relationship with him. He has invited me and my son out on a spring break vacation in early March. How soon is too soon to plunge your kid into that kind of scenario?

Not discouraging anyone from being in a happy, healthy relationship… just saying it isn’t necessarily easier being partnered than it is being totally single.
Teresa Coates´s last blog ..Another Year Gone

@j: I wanted to tell you that I’ve has thoughts similar to yours. Wondering why my friends haven’t offered to help, etc. I have learned (recently) to just ask for help. I haven’t gotten it much, but a couple of times when I’ve really been in a bind, I had a friend come through for a school pick-up or playdate. I don’t think anyone without kids realizes how much focused energy goes into just staying whole & complete, after you become a mom. Other moms understand but I find my friends without kids don’t get how much just an hour or two of assistance can help us.

Wishing you all ease on this journey.

~Karma
Karma´s last blog ..Receiving his repercussions and all that he hid behind- I wore his irreverence like a chain around

I also have a neighbor who is so gracious and who won’t accept money for staying with my daughter. This has been such a special relationship for me because I also feel that if I ever had an emergency, I have someone looking out for me and my daughter. I feel guilty almost every time I ask her to come over, so I usually only book a night out when she asks me. I’ve told her on multiple occasions that it’s hard for me to accept help in a non-emergency and I think communicating that has made her reach out to me more.

I scrimp and save (emergency fund, college, home fund- the costs are endless!) so in the first year and a half of my daughter’s life I have never paid a babysitter. As a result, I have only gone out without my daughter about 10 times. I also sometimes feel like I’m going to lose my mind so I know that I need to give myself some “time off” in the future (which is a misnomer because as you know, once a mom, there is really no such thing). Now I’m terrified to find someone trustworthy that I can allow in my home, but I realize it is essential for me to get out at least one night a week in 2011. Not only to go on an occasional date or see friends sans baby, but also so that I can nurture my own interests that don’t revolve around my daughter (watching movies, volunteering, etc.).

I’ve joined a single parent network in hopes that I can find a new friend who wants to swap child care. That would mean taking each other’s children for overnights though since I mostly want the help in the evenings after my toddler is asleep. If I ever find the right fit, perhaps that is a possibility.

I recently joined a gym while they were having a special and I am paying an incredible price for a monthly membership with child care. It’s not quite the same as a night “out” and there is always the possibility my child will cry and I’ll be paged, but guess what? I now have a few hours to myself every Saturday and Sunday. I can also go weekday evenings, if I don’t have time to go by myself before day care pickup. I look forward to destressing by spending 30 minutes in the sauna while someone looks after my little one.

I find myself thinking often that if I were a friend of me, rather than me, I would like to think that I’d be the friend to volunteer an evening home with my daughter (while my daughter sleeps) so that mom could have an evening out. I sometimes find myself wondering about my friends that are childless that never offer me this kind of help. Why don’t they offer to come over after my child is asleep for an hour or two or three so that I can get some needed rest? Should I be upset that they haven’t even offered? One of my friends recently asked me when I talked about hiring a babysitter, “Can you even afford that?” It made me think, well, if you think I can’t afford it, why in the world wouldn’t you have the presence to offer a hand at least once in the last year that you knew was so difficult for me? Then I get mad at myself for thinking this. I mean no one owes me anything (except the baby’s daddy of course). Does anyone else ever have thoughts like this?