Comments on: How do I know the next guy won’t lie to me, too?

By: Michala purvis

Michala purvis — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:06:38 +0000

That’s the great thing with life you never know what and whom shall come into your life. It’s all about giving yourself time in the first place to love yourself and really getting to know perspective partners as friends first that way you don’t come across as easy prey to those who lie and manipulate xx

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 00:42:22 +0000

@Desiree: What you say makes perfect sense. Here’s to embracing loneliness…. and holding onto yourself.

By: WhitewaterAtty

WhitewaterAtty — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 02:28:37 +0000

How do I know the next guy/girl won’t lie to me, too? You wont. No one has a crystal ball. Even the people in the most perfect and solid loving relationships in the world are taking a risk — because no one can know with certainty how another person will treat them in the future. However, in my opinion, that alone is not a reason to avoid relationships.

That being said, anyone who has had their trust violated by a spouse or lover certainly needs to take special care of how they deal with relationships in the future. Some of us need to reevaluate how we choose a partner. Some of us need to look more closely at our partner. Some of us need to reevaluate how we communicate with a partner. And all of us need to understand that our past partner is not our current or future partners. Therapy, friends, and family can all help with this evaluation, but it needs to start with the willingness of the evaluator first.

And of course, as said by others, making sure you consider any effect on your children (if any) in your post-divorce relationships is very, very important.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 02:16:24 +0000

Time and the right guineas helping me. Found my prince <3

By: Desiree

Desiree — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 02:16:20 +0000

I’ve thought about this off and on since I moved across the country after a failed relationship in the fall of ’09. Do I want someone to come home to and have a family with? Eventually, yes; but, I do realize that’s not all there is to it. What I really want, for the time being, is to just go out and meet new people and loosen up a bit. Am I lonely sometimes, longing for a companion? Yes. Am I desperate? No. Just as someone stated earlier, I need to make sure I am okay with ME before I jump into anything serious-serious… it’s a slow and steady process.

Did any of that make sense? LOL
Desiree´s last blog ..Five things you never knew about me – until now

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 12:20:27 +0000

Beatrix: No question that the kid fall-out from a break-up is tough. We’re glad you joined the conversation. Please visit us again soon.

By: Beatrix

Beatrix — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 11:57:11 +0000

Two relationships now over after the end of a marraige and it is so hard to allow myself to be hurt again and the children tired of seeing mummy so upset!

By: Naked Girl in a Dress

Naked Girl in a Dress — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 10:53:42 +0000

My first significant relationship post-separation has given me reason to pause and think about trust. Honesty and fidelity are so important and are essential in my next relationship. I hope that I am not crippled by it, but rather am more cautious. I am the one who would miss out on a possible special experience in my life if I allowed the negative aspects of a previous relationship to spill over into the next one.

The last relationship the signs were there that he was dishonest and unfaithful and I chose to ignore because I simply didn’t want it to be true. This time around I will listen to that inner voice when there are warning signs because that inner voice has proven to be right.

Great discussion on a very important topic. Thanks for starting the dialog!

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 10:57:41 +0000

Ella: Thank you for joining this conversation. Our willingness to trust again (with care) is essential to our kids’ well. Well said!

By: Ella

Ella — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 07:59:39 +0000

We are all victims to some degree of betrayal, as we also are guilty hurting our former spouses. No one gets out of a divorce completely without having in some way contributed to its demise, even if it is having ones head burried under the sand, or not responding/addressing the red flags.
Regardless, the only way to ever be healthy again, is to learn to trust again. It’s like forgiveness, ultimately we need to forgive so we can move on and live a joyful life. Our kids are the victims of our choices not to forgive or trust. Whether or not we realize it, our speech,our behaviour (if we choose not to forgive or trust) manifests itself in many unhealthy ways that we unwittingly pass on to our innocent children, setting them up with dysfunction they don’t deserve. Our kids deserve us to learn to trust again. So they may see it demonstrated. We can teach them how to do it as we learn ourselves to do it within healthy boundaries. (i.e., We shouldn’t trust a stranger instantaneously. Trust is earned over time as he/she demomstrates trustworthiness)