Comments on: Are you keeping big secrets from your kids?

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 10:01:19 +0000

BGeorgie: Over sharing with kids — telling them things they are far too young to understand — is what addicts of all types do. Of course, this leaves the functioning parent with confused kids and much explaining –too soon –to do. Thanks for sharing your life with us. Please visit again soon.

Megan DeGata: Well said! No doubt, you are teaching your kids better.

By: Soccer Mom

Soccer Mom — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:09:02 +0000

Wow this is really tough. I don’t have the same big secrets about The Ex…except about the cheating. I believe my daughter has already put it together but I don’t think the son has yet. Neither has asked me about it. I will certainly tell them when they’re ready…and if they ask! However, my son did ask a funny question the other night about how The Ex knew was pot smelled like…I totally covered his ass on it
Soccer Mom´s last blog ..Family Time

By: BGeorgie

BGeorgie — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 22:40:42 +0000

I would have preferred not to tell the kids about my ex’s alcoholism…but he decided to tell them. Our kids are young. They didn’t need to know and have a hard enough time understanding why we split let alone such an adult concept. It’s frustrating having him constantly having adult conversations with the kids…and leave me holding the ball to deal with explanations and helping them through their emotions. The only good thing is that my kids are very open and comfortable talking with me. Keeping the lines of communication open and supporting them emotionally and developmentally is what I strive to do. I fully expect to have to deal with him talking to them about our relationship, his drug use, and other topics as time goes on – I can only hope he waits until they’re older to do that.

By: Megan DaGata

Megan DaGata — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 22:29:37 +0000

I am going to try to not have to share the worst parts with them. No one needs to know that stuff. If they show signs of addiction problems or anything like that I will have to, but I will try like hell to teach them better to begin with.

We can only teach and hope they listen.
Megan DaGata´s last blog .."It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

By: WhitewaterAtty

WhitewaterAtty — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 22:00:49 +0000

@beckyatkins87: Good for you for staying “above the board.” For the time being, it’s the right thing to do… UNLESS you believe that your child(ren) or anyone in your Ex’s household are in danger of abuse. If so, please make sure you protect your child(ren). Glad he got counseling and I hope he no longer has abusive tendencies.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 21:55:28 +0000

Sadly, my kids witnessed my ex verbally and physically abuse me and they know that it was “Daddy’s Beer” that made him mean. My son’s father walked out of his life when he was 2 so my 2nd husband wad the only “dad” he knew. He has asked in the past about why his bio-dad isn’t involved in his life and I’ve always tried to be vauge so I won’t hurt his feelings. He’s now 9 and came to me the other day, just before his Baptism, and said “Mom, I’m okay with him not wanting to be part of my life.” I looked at him, puzzled by his statement and he hugged me and told me that “I have the best Mom-Dad in the world! I still get to do everything the other boys do and you know more about ‘guy stuff’ than most of their dad’s do!” I really had to hold back the tears on that one! I know that as he gets older and as his sister grows up there will be more and more questions but I’m findng that answering questions honestly as they arise has worked out best. I can honestly tell my kids “I don’t know why …. ” their dad’s chose to do this or that and I can honestly tell them and show them how much I love them and support them.
Michelle´s last blog ..Homesick

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 21:49:18 +0000

i am a single parent of 3, twins that are 3 and a 2 year old. Their father is incarcerated for 25 years, and has no contact with the children. We do not discuss him, thankfully they do not remember him (from my knowledge). I do want them to know the truth, but only when they are old enough to understand. Until then, I will just tell him he is not here. They have recently asked me where their “daddy” is, and also my niece told them they didn’t have one .He has done some pretty bad things,and will be very hard to explain to them once they get older. I just pray for the strength to say and do the right things for them, so they feel my love is enough.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 15:08:02 +0000

My exhusband had verbally and phsically abused me. I lost my first child at 5 months because of it. My son is starting to ask questions. His dad and I agreed that no matter what happened in the past or in the future that we would “candy coat” things. Ex.”mommy and daddy did not get along” He had to do a lot of counseling, parenting classes and anger management classes before he could even see my son supervised (Court ordered) We will tell my son some of the things when he is a lot older. My parents told me EVERYTHING when I was 6 years old and i hated my parents because of it. I think it is important for the child to stay innocent. They dont need to know our mistakes until they are a lot older and can comprehend it better.

By: Brandi

Brandi — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 11:25:04 +0000

Kept the fact that my ex had a child with another woman from my kids for about five years. They know now, but he has never had contact with the child and I don’t know if my kids will ever want to have contact with him either, but it is up to them. Their dad lives with another woman he cheated on me with and they are engaged to be married….wonder how long before he does the same to her?

By: mightbeatranny

mightbeatranny — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 06:06:37 +0000

my ex is a bisexual transvestite; and my kids do not know. i can’t hardly handle it, so i don’t know how they will take it. he isn’t careful, so i’m afraid that it will be suddenly obvious on a visit. we raised them to be VERY catholic (catholic school, church every sunday, etc) so it will be quite a blow.

my ex was seeing another woman before we seperated, and my middle daughter knew. i didnt care, the marriage was over. but i explained to my daughter that it was her dad that broke the marital vows, not the “other woman”. if he didn’t honor the marriage, why in the world would she?

my kids know that their dad is a liar, thief, breaks his promises and puts himself first. they have experienced his viloence (being thrown across the room, broken arm, sprained shoulder, etc) and CPS likely has us on speed dial.

i DO NOT act like he is daddy of the year or suggest that “he loves you but is struggling”. i call a spade a spade. he’s a poor father figure and they need to know that. this is NOT what a man/husband/father should be.

Comments on: Are you keeping *big* secrets from your kids?