Comments on: The 3 best ways to know if you’re ready for single parent sex http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/ Moms and Dads Talk to Us First Mon, 10 Oct 2011 02:28:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Rachel Sarah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-12548 Rachel Sarah Mon, 18 Jul 2011 22:28:40 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-12548 @Monkeymommy: Indeed, having children under age 1 does make it easier in some ways to make boundaries around dating. Keep us posted on your relationship. @Monkeymommy: Indeed, having children under age 1 does make it easier in some ways to make boundaries around dating. Keep us posted on your relationship.

]]> By: monkeymommy http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-12547 monkeymommy Mon, 18 Jul 2011 22:25:27 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-12547 My daughter was 10 months old when my boyfriend and I started dating. Once I was comfortable with him staying the night he would come over after she was in bed and leave before I got her out of her crib. I have sole custody and I need my parents help with child care as my shifts don't always let me out in time to pick her up from daycare. I hate asking them for more help than they already give (plus they are vehemently against premarital sex and I'd just rather not hear it). So my options were limited. My daughter was 10 months old when my boyfriend and I started dating. Once I was comfortable with him staying the night he would come over after she was in bed and leave before I got her out of her crib.
I have sole custody and I need my parents help with child care as my shifts don’t always let me out in time to pick her up from daycare. I hate asking them for more help than they already give (plus they are vehemently against premarital sex and I’d just rather not hear it). So my options were limited.

]]> By: Rachel Sarah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-12540 Rachel Sarah Mon, 18 Jul 2011 19:02:44 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-12540 @Garnet: That does sound awkward. Good for you for being straightforward with your ex and doing your best to set up boundaries. We're curious to know why your kids would let themselves in during a certain day that's actually Dad's time? And we'll put your great question out to other single parents. Thanks. @Garnet: That does sound awkward. Good for you for being straightforward with your ex and doing your best to set up boundaries. We’re curious to know why your kids would let themselves in during a certain day that’s actually Dad’s time?
And we’ll put your great question out to other single parents. Thanks.

]]> By: Garnet http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-12538 Garnet Mon, 18 Jul 2011 18:57:07 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-12538 I have been separated a year and have recently started dating again. A few times I have had a fellow over for dinner etc. etc. Unfortunately, my ex has a bad habit of dropping by unannounced with the kids to pick up something they need from my house. While I want to make it easy for the kids, and I want them to know they are welcome in their own home... they aren't really welcome when I have someone over. It's awkward for all of us. I have asked my ex not to pop up. He has said he will call first. But he insists that if I don't answer the phone, they will just come and let themselves in. The kids agree with him. They have their own housekeys, so I can't just change the locks. Any of you have similar situations? It would be good to know how you handled it. I have been separated a year and have recently started dating again. A few times I have had a fellow over for dinner etc. etc. Unfortunately, my ex has a bad habit of dropping by unannounced with the kids to pick up something they need from my house.
While I want to make it easy for the kids, and I want them to know they are welcome in their own home… they aren’t really welcome when I have someone over. It’s awkward for all of us. I have asked my ex not to pop up. He has said he will call first. But he insists that if I don’t answer the phone, they will just come and let themselves in. The kids agree with him. They have their own housekeys, so I can’t just change the locks. Any of you have similar situations? It would be good to know how you handled it.

]]> By: Amy k http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-11872 Amy k Thu, 02 Jun 2011 14:42:08 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-11872 I am having a huge problem with this. I recently went and took my 5 year old to visit my fiancé for several days for the first time and found I wasn't comfortable having sex with my son in the house. It really upset my fiancé but it was mainly because I knew my son wasn't comfortable or used to being there and I wanted to be sure I was available at all times to comfort him if there was an issue. Is something wrong with me? Any advice would help! I am having a huge problem with this. I recently went and took my 5 year old to visit my fiancé for several days for the first time and found I wasn’t comfortable having sex with my son in the house. It really upset my fiancé but it was mainly because I knew my son wasn’t comfortable or used to being there and I wanted to be sure I was available at all times to comfort him if there was an issue. Is something wrong with me? Any advice would help!

]]> By: Dr. Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-11868 Dr. Leah Thu, 02 Jun 2011 09:37:54 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-11868 <strong>islandmomma:</strong> You bring up so many great points. It is easier when kids can't jump out the crib and "surprise" you. And, of course, time management issues plague us all. The simple question of when do you fit a life into your busy schedule is NOT an easy question. Thanks for joining the conversation! islandmomma: You bring up so many great points. It is easier when kids can’t jump out the crib and “surprise” you. And, of course, time management issues plague us all. The simple question of when do you fit a life into your busy schedule is NOT an easy question. Thanks for joining the conversation!

]]> By: islandmomma http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-11867 islandmomma Thu, 02 Jun 2011 03:22:19 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-11867 I think that something that a lot of people have failed to address here is the fact that many single parents have little or no time away from their children (that is not just regular daycare). My son is 2 and I have been a single mom from the start and his dad sees him at most one day a week for a supervised visit in my own home. My family takes him for the odd overnight but other than that it's all me. Had I waited/not had sex with him in the home I would have been waiting for a VERY long time, I would sometimes have friends (or more than friends) over to visit after he was asleep just because as I think any single parent can vouch, the evenings can be very lonely. Now I'm in a very serious relationship and he has a good relationship with my Boyfriend but there was about a 6 month period of dating different people before I met him. I think maybe the situation would be different if he were older and could get out of bed though! I think that something that a lot of people have failed to address here is the fact that many single parents have little or no time away from their children (that is not just regular daycare). My son is 2 and I have been a single mom from the start and his dad sees him at most one day a week for a supervised visit in my own home. My family takes him for the odd overnight but other than that it’s all me. Had I waited/not had sex with him in the home I would have been waiting for a VERY long time, I would sometimes have friends (or more than friends) over to visit after he was asleep just because as I think any single parent can vouch, the evenings can be very lonely. Now I’m in a very serious relationship and he has a good relationship with my Boyfriend but there was about a 6 month period of dating different people before I met him. I think maybe the situation would be different if he were older and could get out of bed though!

]]> By: How Does She Do It Mom http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-11027 How Does She Do It Mom Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:57:40 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-11027 Not sure if I fall out of the norm here but this was never an issue for me...granted I was only a single parent for 3 years but still...I was not about to NOT Have sex for those three years! Lol. I will openly admit that my sex life when I was married was terrible and that when I left my ex husband it exploded. Those three years were all about finding me and my sexuality. I think it was easy for me because when I left my ex (who was abusive) I decided that I was not going to introduce a man to my kids unless I knew it was for real and for long term. That being said I never had men over when they were home...just didn't happen! SO .. the weekends I didn't have them was my play time...now I wasn't looking to jump back into any relationship so the topic of sleep over, dating etc didn't really come up. I was always upfront with men I dated that I had kids and was divorced so there were no secrets. And I have to admit there is something to say about a "Friend with benefits" lol..without the entanglement of emotion is works really well! When I did meet Mr. Right and new he was the one...the process of him entering my kids lives was slow and calculated. I feel fortunate to have never struggled with this issue i must admit! Not sure if I fall out of the norm here but this was never an issue for me…granted I was only a single parent for 3 years but still…I was not about to NOT Have sex for those three years! Lol.

I will openly admit that my sex life when I was married was terrible and that when I left my ex husband it exploded. Those three years were all about finding me and my sexuality.

I think it was easy for me because when I left my ex (who was abusive) I decided that I was not going to introduce a man to my kids unless I knew it was for real and for long term. That being said I never had men over when they were home…just didn’t happen! SO .. the weekends I didn’t have them was my play time…now I wasn’t looking to jump back into any relationship so the topic of sleep over, dating etc didn’t really come up.

I was always upfront with men I dated that I had kids and was divorced so there were no secrets. And I have to admit there is something to say about a “Friend with benefits” lol..without the entanglement of emotion is works really well!

When I did meet Mr. Right and new he was the one…the process of him entering my kids lives was slow and calculated.

I feel fortunate to have never struggled with this issue i must admit!
How Does She Do It Mom´s last blog ..How I Saved 1000 A Month…And How You Can Too!!My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Amy http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-10990 Amy Tue, 29 Mar 2011 03:49:34 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-10990 Hi Hillary, I'm also doing the online dating thing in Australia. I haven't had that problem as yet, that they start talking or suggesting anything sexual prior to meeting me. Even then, nothing inappropriate has been said. Maybe in your profile you should state your looking for a meaning connection & that your not looking to just have a bit of fun. That's what I've said in my profile & so far only decent men have contacted me. But if they did imply something sexual that wasn't welcome, appreciated or humorous, I would very quickly tell them to stop contact with me. If they don't have manners or any respect why bother with them even if you share unique interests? I know it's hard & slim pickings but we have to be fussy. Our children deserve the best & so do we. I say to give that guy the flick! If he's gone distant & chasing some1 else so fast he has shown his colours. If he really liked you he wouldn't have done that. Smile, looks like you dodged a bullet with this guy. Get back online & say: next! :) I know it's disheartening but you deserve way better than that. Hi Hillary,
I’m also doing the online dating thing in Australia. I haven’t had that problem as yet, that they start talking or suggesting anything sexual prior to meeting me. Even then, nothing inappropriate has been said. Maybe in your profile you should state your looking for a meaning connection & that your not looking to just have a bit of fun. That’s what I’ve said in my profile & so far only decent men have contacted me. But if they did imply something sexual that wasn’t welcome, appreciated or humorous, I would very quickly tell them to stop contact with me. If they don’t have manners or any respect why bother with them even if you share unique interests? I know it’s hard & slim pickings but we have to be fussy.

Our children deserve the best & so do we. I say to give that guy the flick! If he’s gone distant & chasing some1 else so fast he has shown his colours. If he really liked you he wouldn’t have done that. Smile, looks like you dodged a bullet with this guy. Get back online & say: next! :) I know it’s disheartening but you deserve way better than that.

]]> By: Newsingledad http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2011/03/the-3-best-ways-to-know-if-youre-ready-for-single-parent-sex/comment-page-1/#comment-10957 Newsingledad Sat, 26 Mar 2011 02:35:17 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=13137#comment-10957 I went through the adult sleep-overs before with the ex before we were married, and I it was uncomfortable for me, but I took her lead, since she was the mom, and I had no idea about kids. Fast forward 17 years, I know a lot more about parenting, and the adult sleep-overs still make me uncomfortable. I'm dating someone who is comfortable with me spending the night, and I'm still not really ok with "having breakfast" with her teen aged kids. I've met them, and I like them, so I don't want to have then have to deal with me there in the morning. Even more important, I don't want my kids to have a morning with her here. Even though their mother has moved in with her boyfriend, and the kids spend half their time in their household. It could be that I'm a prude, although I don't think so. I think the kids have enough to deal with, and the overnight (and the sex) isn't that important. We get together on my weekends off at my house. I feel bad sometimes not staying the night, but it seems to me that the physical part of the relationship can happen when we have the time to do take advantage of it. Eventually the sleepovers will happen, but I'm not in that much of a hurry. I think I'm not in that much of a hurry for anything. I went through the adult sleep-overs before with the ex before we were married, and I it was uncomfortable for me, but I took her lead, since she was the mom, and I had no idea about kids. Fast forward 17 years, I know a lot more about parenting, and the adult sleep-overs still make me uncomfortable. I’m dating someone who is comfortable with me spending the night, and I’m still not really ok with “having breakfast” with her teen aged kids. I’ve met them, and I like them, so I don’t want to have then have to deal with me there in the morning.

Even more important, I don’t want my kids to have a morning with her here. Even though their mother has moved in with her boyfriend, and the kids spend half their time in their household. It could be that I’m a prude, although I don’t think so. I think the kids have enough to deal with, and the overnight (and the sex) isn’t that important. We get together on my weekends off at my house.

I feel bad sometimes not staying the night, but it seems to me that the physical part of the relationship can happen when we have the time to do take advantage of it. Eventually the sleepovers will happen, but I’m not in that much of a hurry. I think I’m not in that much of a hurry for anything.

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