Comments on: How do you know when your marriage is over?

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 00:56:53 +0000

She needs to read a book called “too good to leave, too bad to stay”. I have loaned that book to so many of my miserable married friends (even my own mother!), that the cover has finally fallen off!

By: Claire

Claire — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 18:20:49 +0000

When he has been cheating on her, she had been tolerating until he himself opt to leave the family. Being an irresponsible father and husband, he wanted a break from their marriage and fatherhood. If he has been a little thoughtful, he would have paid them visit, or at least, to his 3 daughters. A man who changes his mind when he receives a suit, does not sound any convincing – it might be the compensation he needs to bare, as well as the ‘bad husband & dad’ title. I suppose the mother would understand the points I am trying to point out here.

One way or another, this is her choice. Influencing factors would be her feelings, his feelings, children’s needs and of course a prediction of their future. Is he trustable and reliable? Is it worth it to break the marriage and family bond; but is it worth it to let him come back to ‘you’?

It’s a choice and risk! Without him, your children will not have a ‘father’ but probably you would save yourself the heartbreaks, and find a better man in life. With him, you might have a husband and father, he might really love you all because he has regretted for real; but he might be cheating on you all over again. Your children will be growing up and learn about the family’s hard truths, is it healthy to know their father is cheating, and mother is still accepting their father when he said he no longer wants them?

Think about what you want, write down the pros and cons. Picture your near future, include your kids as the major factor. Analyze your needs – love, comfort, finance…etc

Goodluck.

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 03:20:44 +0000

@Traci: Thank you for sharing your story — and offering advice. We are here for you.

By: traci

traci — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 00:36:55 +0000

I had the same experience with my X husband. My son was only 2 years old but… We had been married for 6 years and he was a very on and off father… I did everything for my son… while his dad sat playing computer/video games I would feed, bath, and play with our son.. when my son was just a couple months old he again volunteered for a military duty in TX… It was very hard to see him leave and have the reality set in I would be doing everything solo. While he was gone I got very few phoen calls, he wouldnt talk to our son on skype or the phone and he didnt offer any money to help us out…. Finally he came home after a year and asked us to leave. He was very excited about being single and wanted to get a divorce, pay no child support, and have our son half the time… Once I moved out I recieved no money for 6 months and he only saw our son 3 days. I finally worked up the courage to file the paperwork and all of a sudden he wanted to make it work, he wanted our son half the time… now being divorced for a year I see it how it was. He had met someone else, and had actually been seeing her for years, he got upset when I filed because he didn’t want to pay child support and his lawyer told him if he was seeing our son 1/2 the time he could file for joint custody and possibly not have to pay for child support. Long story short I got custody, he sees our son every other week and can hardly keep up with the close to NOTHING child support (he quit all of his jobs as soon as i filed the paperwork) Its hard to see people as there are sometimes. I am not saying your husband is a bad man, but I would consider alternate motives and make the decisions that are absolutely best for you and your kids… because as a now single mom struggling to make it I wish I would have done thigns differently and worried about myself instead of so much about him.
Wish you the best of luck!

By: Chopperpapa

Chopperpapa — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 13:03:35 +0000

The question that I keep asking is “why the sudden change”? What is it that made him stop on a dime? Was it the thought of child support and the financial burden? Did he have a relationship that would be his go-to after the divorce that suddenly ended? She must understand that she is dealing with a narcissist. Not only has he cheated on her but he demanded that he not be a part of his children’s lives. THAT alone is worth divorcing him over.

IF she can find the real reason why he changed his mind I think she will then have the answer to her question.

There is no obvious answer to when a relationship is over, and usually we aren’t able to see clearly until we are long past the hurt and grief.
Chopperpapa´s last blog ..Need a girlfriend, fast? There’s an app for that.

By: Anna

Anna — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 00:49:19 +0000

In my case, I knew it was over when he declared that he didn’t care about me or our son. There was nothing I could do to fix it, if he didn’t want to participate in the fixing. I filed the next day.

If you had said he realized his mistake a week or two after the fact, I’d say give it a shot, but several months is a long time, and I would be suspicious of his motives.

By: T

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 16:57:16 +0000

I knew my marriage was over when my husband told me that his privacy was more important than saving what little of our marriage was left. And I was home with a toddler and newborn baby.

I’m sorry, I refuse to be with ANY man who declares that he’s more important than being in the lives of his children. No thank you and good riddance.
T´s last blog ..Staying True to YOU… even When the World Seemingly Disagrees

By: MWC26

MWC26 — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 12:14:22 +0000

My ex husband walked out on me and my son too. He went to work one day and sent me a text saying he was never comming back. Didn’t even have the balls to tell me to my face. I found out he was with another woman, and the day after our divorce was final, they got married. He refused to be a dad to our son, wouldn’t call or see him on his visitations either. Then he deployed for the second time. When he came home he found out this woman had been cheating on him the entire time. Wrecked his car, bought a new one using the money he was earning (she wasn’t), took his name off of it, drained every last cent from his bank accounts, and ran up his credit card debt by the thousands. Needless to say they are getting divorced, and she is fighting with him to pay her even more money by taking him to court. When this went down, he realized just how great of a woman I am, and began to all of a sudden miss our son whom he hadn’t seen in about a year/year and half. When he began hinting at about maybe getting back together, I had some tough questions for myself
1. If he did this once, he would probably do it agian
2. I would never trust him enough to put his name on anything I bought (a new car, the new house I just bought, bank account ect…)
Then I got into the emotional side of things. Why should I feel pity for him when he didn’t feel pity for me and our son when he did what he did. Mind you when he left he left us with no money, no home. He took my bank cards, my credit cards (even the ones to my own aocount) my military Id so if I left base I couldn’t get back on, and so forth…
If he did this agian, and my son was getting older (he was only 18 months when his dad did this, so it didn’t reall affect him too much) and he remembered it, and I could just imagine the pain he would feel/go through.
In the end, I stopped him in his tracks, and absolutely refused. It hurt, because a part of me still had some love for him, he is the father of my child, but what was done was done, and I couldn’t go back on the new life I was building for my self, my son, and on my own. I had no trust, absolutely no trust for the man, and I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t trust. There is no point. The marriage was allready over even though I tried at first to work with him, but him trying to come slinking back in defeat wasn’t good enough for me or my son.

By: CB

CB — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:32:36 +0000

When I almost cheated and didn’t care if found out.

Not my proudest moment but it was the moment I knew the marriage was done.

By: Nyota Vargas

Nyota Vargas — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:55:40 +0000

The minute this dad said he didn’t want to deal w/ his children, it would have been the end of it. Sorry no therapy needed. I didn’t realize you could be a parent when you wanted. I knew my marriage was over when I wanted to be with my newborn then spend time with my husband. We spent no time together, he worked a lot. I worked outside the house and then had to deal with my daughter, with minimal help from him. We had nothing in common, and our intimate life sucked hard. I figured that when she got older I didn’t want to spend my time with some one I had no passion, or chemistry with. My daughters father works a lot, so he is picking work over his relationship, but the way I see it HE is damaging his relationship with her and as she gets older. He will have to live with that, not me. I’m glad we are not together we had started to resent each other. I wouldn’t have wanted my daughter to see that.