Comments on: Have you ever fallen for a lie?

By: Bethany

Bethany — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 17:39:51 +0000

I just broke up with my boyfriend. I’m 4 1/2 months pregnant and we were trying for this child. Looking back I realize he lied about everything from owning his condo, to having a degree, to being on probation and having a criminal past! When I found out about each of these things one by one and little by little -i simply overlooked them b/c he was a great guy! shocking i know!
Then came the drinking problem which led to more lies! and is what ultimately prompted me to end things. I’m still trying to figure out if he will ever change but right now I KNOW i can only work on myself! and just hope for the best.

By: susan

susan — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 11:17:00 +0000

I like the honesty of the women saying that the biggest lies were the ones they told themselves…good call.
I’ve heard some brilliant lies by some extremely accomplished liars – and in my misguided attempt to want to see the best in anyone I have become exceptional at making excuses, giving allowances and being ridiculously trusting and forgiving.
Whether I can change that remains to be seen.
It’s about trusting myself more than I trust them I think.

By: TheDatingDad

TheDatingDad — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 04:08:56 +0000

I am an educated man and a healthcare professional. And I fell for MANY lies. I think if you are a good, honest person, you just don’t see the angles a professional liar sees.

By: lisa

lisa — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 19:33:01 +0000

anna that sounds like the last one i dated. waited 3 years after i got divorced of a 20 year marriage and the first guy i had a relationship just totalled out me & my daughters life. all that i had worked for after the divorce was gone and then pooffff….so was he . i was so heartbroken i could hardly carry on …its been 6 months and i still have a hard time getting out of be everyday knowing i will have to go on alone…. but i do it for my daughter and concentrate on that. watch out for the first signs of lies no matter how small i wish i would have listened to my gut !!! next time, if i do date again, i will be much more careful

By: natasha

natasha — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 18:33:09 +0000

Agreed Mightbeatranny! I continue to be lied to by my childs’ father. I also told myself lies about the relationship. When I became pregnant, I convinced myself that a child would be the impetus for him to be faithful, non-abusive and responsible. “No I am not sleeping with other women” ” I do care about you” ” I don’t have $ for child support”. Surprise, he was always sleeping with other women, is incapable of intimacy and is now on 2 1/2 month vacation through several countries in Asia.( He maintains that he has no money..seriously??) I ignored my inner alarm and rode the rollercoaster of hurt through out my pregnancy and delivery. I am amazed at his commitment to dishonesty. He is the child with crumbs all over his face but will swear that he was not in the cookie jar. He is a lie. I have the strength and confidence to have matters dealt with legally now. I think we place our own values onto others. I assumed that he would eventually come clean. I couldn’t understand why he continued to lie; because honesty is a high value for me. I have accepted that he breeds dishonesty. I fact check everything and confront him with the truth.

By: Steve

Steve — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 02:48:42 +0000

I sit back and wonder sometimes just how naive I was during the entire span of my marriage. Over the last two years i have been uncovering lie after lie that I so believed to be the truth. I am angrier at myself than at my ex for allowing it to go on for so long. Does that make sense?

However, I wanted so much for my marriage to work out that I ended up believing what I was told because I couldn’t face the truth unfolding before me that the person I committed my life too was completely and utterly dishonest in everything from her past, paying the bills to having an affair with my friend.

Yes I feel duped! But I am learning to not beat up on myself so much about it these days. I think that, like most people, we fall so quickly for the line of bull because we are optimistic and want to see the good in other. We celebrate in other people’s successes and are there to root for them in life. I guess that trait makes us a bit more susceptible.

By: mightbeatranny

mightbeatranny — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 01:55:28 +0000

“Let’s remember that women can be just as unfaithful”.

1-a woman becomes a mother; everyone knows. a man can father children with MANY, MANY women at the same time. biology doesn’t allow for women to be “just as unfaithful”.

2-12% of sex addicts are women. guess who makes up the other 88%?

By: Jamie

Jamie — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:11:19 +0000

I was in the same boat as Anna. He believed he wanted to be together, and in the end he didn’t. 10 months with him and he left me and my son. I never even got to say goodbye to his kids. Devastated me.

Previously I was in a 2-year relationship with a man who cheated on me. I’ve pretty much given up on love at this point. My son is 7. Maybe I’ll try again when he’s out on his own.

By: VA Mom

VA Mom — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:58:13 +0000

I would simply add this into the mix. I have dated my share of men who lied about everything from being married to why they were late. None of those lies impacted me as much as the lies I told myself in relationships that I wanted to make work – be they friendships or romantic relationships. I try to live by the creed, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. It has served me well over the years and given me a significant peace of mind in issues that surrounded my daughter’s father.

By: WhitewaterAtty

WhitewaterAtty — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 21:07:03 +0000

Trust and honesty (and the open communication which they breed) is the CORNERSTONE of any healthy relationship.

Thus, even if there aren’t outright lies (such as saying, untruthfully, “No, I’m not sleeping with [other man/woman"), keeping information from your spouse (such as NOT saying: "I'm really losing faith in you" or "I'm falling for [other man/woman]“) is just as unhealthy and potentially leading to a break-up.

That said, is there a reason why this post solely refers to “the guy” as in “the guy told outright lies,” “the guy was chronically unemployed,” “bamboozled by guys so slick,” and ” a guy who never grew up”? Let’s remember that women can be just as unfaithful, dishonest, and slick.