Maybe you have a teenager (or more than one?) Maybe you work with teens, or you’ve got teenagers in your extended family. If you have a teen in your life, we’d love to know if you worry about this, too.

We’ve chatted about all kinds of kids and technology dilemmas here — including the pros and cons of blogging about your kids.

Many kids consume media as a full-time job (with overtime) according to the Kaiser Family Foundation. Frankly, we do worry about these online activities long term. We wonder about the possible implications of texting, instant messaging, and Facebook on kids’ social skills. Before electronic media, kids often had a  “best friend”  in whom to confide.  Long conversations took place on the telephone.

Psychologists and other experts worry that our connected kids miss out on experiences that help them develop social skills, such as empathy and understanding.  These experts also insist that when kids become teenagers, they are clueless about how to interpret body language and other social cues.

Other experts, however, believe that social networking are helping kids develop stronger friendships. They cite the 24/7 availability as a way kid friendships are strengthened.  The benefits of social media for shy or withdrawn kids are touted.  These experts  see Facebook, for example, as a tool to help such kids develop critical social skills.

So, the experts are sharply divided. We believe the REAL experts are YOU. Especially since your kids are “digital natives” meaning they have grown up using computers.

So, we’re wondering …

Do the teens you know ever talk on the phone anymore? Or, is it all about texting?

Do you worry about the impact social networking might have on your kids’  social skills?

If so, what measures do you take (or hope to take) to help your kids develop friendships IRL?

Or, is our concern really a “non-issue” which does NOT worry you as a parent?

~~~~

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We’ve always found this issue baffling: what exactly does it mean when a couple splits and then announces, “we’re still best friends”.  Proclaiming that you’re still close friends with your ex sounds so civilized and grown-up!  As solo moms, we’ve had no opportunity to forge a post-break up relationship — of any sort — with our respective ex’s.

Frankly, we wonder: compared to the anger and bitterness, may-be the break-up feels like the return of friendship. Or, may-be, “we’re still best friends” actually means they’re still having sex. We know many of you frequently chat with your ex to discuss co-parenting — for the kids’ sake.  Is that really friendship?  That’s more like a business arrangement, right?  May-be telling others that your friendship with your ex is strong helps you pretend that you never hurt anyone or felt any pain.  After all, we’re such good friends!

We’d like to open this “still best friends” conversation.

What’s your take on ex’s who are “still best friends”?

Are there unexpressed feelings hidden by those words?  Do “still best friends” secretly hope to get back together?

If you’re “still best friends” with your ex, we’d love to know what those words really mean to you.

~~~

Photo via Flickr: JW Fragile

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We both know firsthand how challenging — and anxiety-inducing — it is to find childcare. You might have an infant who needs evening care while you’re working late, or a tween who needs a ride home from school and help with homework. No matter how old your child, finding good, reliable, trustworthy childcare can feel overwhelming.

Some of you have told us what is not ideal — like accepting your ex’s brand new wife offer to babysit — or letting your ex choose the sitter, when he/she has a dismal decision-making track record. Well, then, what IS ideal when it comes to finding a sitter?

Here are our 3 best ways to find a babysitter:

1. Reach out to family…whom you already know very well, and hopefully trust. This option is free, or at least less expensive than the market rate. (Challenge = You might not have any family nearby. We’ve been there!)

2. Join an online community… such as Sitter Pals. There are many membership-based childcare sites out there, which give a wide range of options in your area. (Challenge = You might not know/trust the available sitters.)

3. Create your own babysitting co-op… say, through your mom’s group or friends. This a great way to save money. Together, you make a calendar and plan who gets which nights off. You already know these moms, so there’s a sort of built-in trust. Often, this option is also free! (Challenge = this set-up doesn’t necessarily work with nighttime childcare, and you need to contribute hours/time that you might not have.)

This post was sponsored by Sitter Pals, an online platform for parents and sitters to create their own secure networks of people they know and trust. For parents, the website allows them to share known and trusted sitters with their friends and search for available sitters, whether they have two days notice or only two hours. For sitters, they tailor their availability to work as much or as little as they want. These parents and sitters searching for each other via the internet already know one another… or at least their direct connection.

When Sitter Pals founder and mother of two, Amanda Armstrong (pictured above), recognized the unnecessary stress of finding a sitter through traditional means, she knew there had to be a better way — but did not want to turn to the massive pool of unknown babysitters online. The membership-only site is available to sitters for free and $9.95 per month for parents.

And now… Sitter Pals is giving away a one-year subscription to one of you (valued at $99). Just leave a comment to enter. A winner will be chosen at midnight EST on April 26 by Random.org.

Your turn…

If you have a sitter you love and trust, how did you find him/her?

If finding reliable childcare is a challenge for you right now, what’s the biggest hurdle? Is it too expensive? Is it hard to find someone you trust? Or are there “kid issues” that make finding reliable child care a hassle?

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When Rachel told me that she knows many tweens who have Facebook pages, I was baffled. After all, Facebook has strict age requirements — – you must be age 13 or older to get an account. So, I wondered: are these kids lying about their ages?  Or are their parents allowing them to bend the social media rules like this?

Rachel replied “yes” to both of my questions. If you’re the parent of a child under age 13, we’re curious about how you handle (or not) your kid’s request for a Facebook page.

Apparently, many tweens feel too “old” for social sites like Club Penguin — and they’re begging their parents to be on Facebook. Sure,  most parents set up certain guidelines, such as: You must be friends with me. And you must ask permission before you befriend anyone.

We asked one fourth grade teacher we know for his thoughts on Facebook for the under-13 crowd. He says: If you are going to let your tween be on Facebook, create your own mother/father Facebook account that you use solely to connect with your kid. That way, your child will be sheltered from seeing any possible obscene/unhealthy/out-of-line Facebook comments or photos that your own friends might post on your page.

Moms and Dads … we’re interested in YOUR thoughts:

Is your tween is begging you to get on Facebook?

Have you decided to ignore the age requirement?

Or are you sticking to the rules and saying “no”?

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“I recently met this guy online and we talked for hours over coffee. He’s smart and funny. There’s just one little problem: I’m not attracted to him.”

We got this email from a single mom recently, and here’s her dilemma: she would like to remain friends with this man. Is it possible?

After all, they have a lot in common: they’re both single parents of sons, and they both work in marketing.

Dr. Leah and I disagree on this one:

I say, “Go for it!”

Dr. Leah, on the other hand, says that once romance is off the table, friendship will not flourish.

I believe that as long as you’re very honest about your boundaries, you can be friends. Sure, it might be awkward at first. You might need to give him gentle reminders that you’re not going to be intimate. You might need some space at first.

But I’ve remained friends with a few guys I met online. Today, I’m grateful that I didn’t just cut it off with these few great men.

Dr. Leah, however, says that things are bound to get awkward: “You can’t really make lifetime friends from online introductions that did not work out romantically.”

What do you think?

Have you ever been on one or two dates with a man/woman — in which you enjoyed great conversation — but there was no chemistry?

Still, you liked each other, even if you didn’t have that sexual “click.”

Did you just say farewell and go separate ways?

Or, did you continue to see each other occasionally to have a casual dinner or, may-be, just enjoy some time outdoors?

I will, admit this, however: once one of you meets someone else and starts to date him/her seriously, the friendship often suffers. Maybe one of you feels awkward. Or, it simply challenging to make time for “online friend” now that you’re seriously dating someone else.

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We opened up an interesting conversation recently when we asked how your Facebook status plays a role in your love life.

Many of you commented about how amusing it can be to watch folks’ reactions when you change your status from “in a relationship” to “single.”

No matter how you feel about Facebook, social networking experts agree the site is exploding.

Although we’re both users (sorry, makes us sound like addicts!), we can’t help but feel a bit skeptical.

So, we’re curious. What do you use Facebook for?

– Do you keep updated hourly on your friends?

– Are they “real” friends whom you know in person? Or, have you also befriend people whom you solely know online?

– Do you keep tabs on your teenagers?

– Do you search for old friends from high school?

Neither of us likes the fact that Facebook lists the presence or absence of relationships — but says nothing about the quality of these relationships. Do you agree?

We also can’t help but wonder if Facebook is really just a popularity contest. Sure, you’ve had real relationships with many Facebook friends — and maybe even a romance? But you might have survived a rigorous high school math class with others, and nothing more? Is this really a friendship, or more of a cherished but moribund souvenir of your past?

So, please share: How does Facebook figure into your life – or not? 

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Any advice?

Dr. Leah aka “Sanity Fairy” replies. . . .

Both our babies were born before any close friends were even thinking about kids, so we definitely understand.  Friends visit, and, of course, are enchanted by your baby. But really, they’re not quite as fascinated by the burps, drool, and soggy diapers, are they?

Is that really YOU so blissfully focused on the contents of a diaper?  Of course, it’s you!  Your life has been forever transformed. Nothing else on the planet seems even remotely as important as what’s going on minute to minute with your baby.

After a while, however, a “more than me and the baby reality” does set in. You’re finally in some kind of routine and getting a bit of sleep. But, despite this obvious progress, you feel off kilter. You realize you’re lonely. You miss your friends and want to reconnect.

And, since you asked, please know that I do believe that men may come and go, but ” your babies” and girl friends are forever.

How do you make time to reconnect with friends, especially those without kids?

Are you even capable of having a conversation without mentioning your sore boobs, the latest from the pediatrician, or the scary recall on strollers?

Of course, you can and here’s how . . .

Spend an hour outside of your home — alone. Or have a friend over.

Until you have a reliable sitter, swap your baby with another mom-friend. Or, ask a family member to help. If your baby is napping, have your friend over. Offer a treat. Change out of those nasty sweatpants you’ve been wearing 24/7.

Acknowledge you have been in a “baby fog” and need to break free.

Breaking free means you listen intently to what your friend has going on in her life. Reply to friends’ IM’s,  texts, or e-mails.  Your friends need to feel connected to you, too.

Here’s the take away message.

If you’re tempted to “baby talk”, remember that behind that cocktail glass or coffee cup, there might be a friend dealing with her own issues now made very real by the big change in your life.

We both lost sight of that fact and regret it.  Several close friends drifted away and other long time friends downgraded to just acquaintances.  Truthfully, a couple of these friends were freaked out by our partners’ desertion and just couldn’t handle it.  We did not make things any easier by our constant and riveting attention on our kids.  Looking back, we probably would have done things differently.

Blissful Mom would love to hear from you–and so would we!

How do you stay connected with girl friends—especially those without kids?

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The holiday season seems to bring out that extra measure of “wishing” for all of us.

I used to wish for a bit of unencumbered time — just for me. Ultimately, I did figure out what grown-ups are supposed to do with free time, and, of course, that’s why we’re here.

With my “babies” on their own and my personal life in fair order that nagging “I wish” — punctuated by nothing but a question mark — was really troubling.

Why is it so challenging sometimes to realize what we really want?

Here’s I found out:

You know you’re wasting time when you recheck your e-mail every time you hear that familiar ping. Despite a challenging “to do” list, there I sat opening e-mails that should have been deleted instantly.

We’re all familiar with things happen for a reason . . .well, guess what, it’s true.  Suddenly, like a wish come true, there was an e-mail from someone with whom I had lost contact.

My friend, Don.  The subject line . . .White socks always make a statement (So do blue corduroy jumpers!)

Don and I were BFF in high school (no back story here) and no rekindled romance ending to this tale.

Let’s just say that this photo predates even the dream of digital photography. Through countless moves, Don has kept this picture — and so have I. The ex-cooties (for both of us) have long been purged, but a token of lasting friendship has been treasured.

Suddenly, it all became clear as I remembered that beautiful quote from Judy Blume:

“We’re friends for life.  When we’re together the years fall away.  Isn’t that what matters? To have someone who can remember with you?  To have someone who remembers how far you’ve come?”

So, my secret wish? Suddenly, it was known — and had been fulfilled.

Photo of Leah at age 16 — before she added the “Dr.”  — and her friend Don.

Have you thought about what you really want — and need — right now, over the holidays?

Care to share? We’d love to hear it!

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