Pregnant and the father is married. Help!
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Relationships
Note: Post updated below…
A distraught pregnant young woman contacted us today to ask our advice. Here’s her dilemma: The father is a married man who urged her to conceive promising he would leave his wife and marry her.
We know that some of you have faced similar circumstances.
Or you’ve offered emotional support to a family member or close friend facing just such a personal crisis.
So, we’re asking you to help guide this young woman.
Here’s the situation:
This young woman fell in love with a married man. And she honestly believed that he loved her.
Her married boyfriend begged her to have his child.
She agreed, after what she describes as “much soul searching.” He promised to marry her.
When she found out she was pregnant, she was ecstatic and so was the prospective father. He promised to break the news to his wife and leave her.
Two weeks later, he broke up with her. He has promised to support her and the baby financially.
This young woman told us: “This break-up has devastated me. I wanted marriage. I never wanted to be a single mom.”
“I’m 10 weeks pregnant. The emotional pain keeps getting worse by the day. The baby’s father hardly calls or sends me a text message to check on me or the pregnancy.”
“I feel so lost and alone. I don’t know the right way to deal with my situation.”
It’s easy to spot the red flags she missed.
You won’t find any judgments (ever) @Singlemommyhood. This single woman is pregnant and seemingly alone.
What’s your best advice to her on how to deal with this life altering crisis?
Your own personal experiences are especially welcome.
~~~
Update:
Here’s a message to you –our readers — from our grateful pregnant single woman:
“Thanks so much for helping me.
The responses to my dilemma from your Singlemommyhood community have really opened my eyes.
The emotional pain is still there. I have decided that I will go ahead and keep my baby.
I did not make this decision because of my feelings for the baby’s father.
This baby is truly a gift and a blessing from God. I have been praying ever since he broke up with me. Prayer and my mom’s support are getting me through this with a comforting new perspective.
Maybe one day I will find love again.
But, for now, I’ve come to realize it’s just me and my baby and that is all that matters!!
Thank you Dr. Leah for your help and i hope my story can be a lesson to all women who may find themselves in a similar situation at some point in their lives.”
(Photo courtesy of Renato Luchini Photo 2009 via Flickr)
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Twitter @ ChasingAmy206
This may sound callous and I apologize in advance if it does, it’s not my intention. She is 10 weeks pregnant and she has some options available to her including termination and adoption. This situation is a bit shocking and very sad for all involved. She’s in for a very very hard road and this child’s life will be affected emotionally and financially because of the choices she made with this man. The choices that lay before her are only going to get harder so I do suggest she take some time to evaluate her decision making abilities and make some life changes. Professional counseling would probably be helpful in this situation, especially if she is about to be a parent in less than 7 months. I can’t pity a capable adult woman who chose this, I just can’t
My neighbor was the product of an extra marital affair and at 40 years old she’s repeating the mistakes of her mother and had a horrific childhood. She’s an alcoholic and is now an emotionally unstable single parent herself. Her mother’s mistake affected every part of her life especially her sense of self worth.
Twitter @ http://runningleap.wordpress.com
It’s near impossible for me to comment on this without judgement, having had my own marriage ruined when my husband’s “girlfriend” got pregnant. He and I divorced, he married her, and I will hate that horrible b—h until the day I die.
That being said, this girl should know that most men do not leave their wives, and she really should consider now whether she’s really up to being a single mom with the kind of baby daddy who is willing to screw over those closest to him… It doesn’t bode well.
Twitter @ http://www.themommymemoirs.com
wow… the two previous comments are a bit harsh no?
well, i’m in the process of going through a single pregnancy myself–though my circumstances are VERY different.
my advice is if she wants to keep the baby, she should do it because she wants the baby, not the married man. in keeping it, she needs to forget about him until it comes time for child support, etc, and really think of him as a sperm donor.
if she doesn’t want to keep the baby, then she should consider adoption if she’s willing to go through with the pregnancy or terminate it if she’s not.
single pregnancy, though not fun, is very much so an option. i’ve learned so much about myself through this process and am eager to meet my little one! i pray she makes the decision that she alone can live with.
Twitter @ aljolynn
I would have to agree with Amy in regards to termination or adoption and receiving professional therapy.
This girl is going to need it.
She will also need to remember that the father is no longer in the picture. That he will not leave his wife. That it seems he will only be a benefactor or financial provider so to speak. He will not be emotionally involved. That hard reality is something she will need to remember for her to be strong and eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If she isn’t comfortable with termination or adoption (she should research and visit social workers about both by the way – thoroughly) then she will need to find the resources and support she will need as a single parent. If she is receiving judgement from her friends and family then it’s crucial for her to find a friend or family member or social worker – someone to not judge her and be there for her. She is going to need all of the support and love she can get. So find a single parent’s group and be prepared for a raised eyebrow or 10 but she shouldn’t let it get to her.
Also, she’ll need to figure out if she wants to accept child support and/or if she wants the father to be in her child’s life. If so then bring on the $$$ if not then she should look into a Termination of Parental Rights for the father and cut losses.
Just have her look into the legal, psychological, physiological – just everything! So that she knows where she (and her child – if she chooses to follow through with the pregnancy) will stand.
Good luck to her.
Restless Mama´s last blog ..How do you holiday?
Twitter @ http://raisingchildraisingself.blogspot.com/
My fiancee made me a single mother at 13 weeks pregnant and two weeks before we were going to be married. He cheated on me with a pastors daughter at his church and made claims that my child was not his. We were together for 6 year and both of us had never cheated on each other before and were college sweet hearts. I never thought he was capable of anything that he did or said to me. We make mistakes we put faith in man when it should be put in God. Marriage is sacred, sex is sacred, and we forget this. Children are blessings it took me a looong time to realize that in my situation. If you love yourself, your child, and have faith, you can get through this. The first steps is realizing your mistakes and owning them. The 2nd is realizing that this guy may have more issues then you may want to expose your child to fully. Maybe it is a blessing he left, once a man does certain things to his wife and family, he will likely continue to do those things until he can admit to himself his wrong doings and not want to do it again. This hurts, but maybe it is necessary for you to learn from your mistakes and move on stronger and smarter for it.
I wish you luck.
Sophia´s last blog ..Baby Love
Congrats @ladebelle on your pregnancy! Due when? We’re excited for you! As you pointed out, this single woman’s circumstances are radically different than yours.
You agree with @Amy that options should be considered. Likely, you would not disagree that counseling is essential given the situation.
Sometimes “harsh” is actually the voice of difficult experience. C has very generously shared her life experiences with infidelity.
@Sophia Thank you for so openly sharing your own experience with this single woman. Realizing your mistakes and owning them are definitely first steps no matter what decisions this woman may make in the weeks to come.
@RestlessMama Thanks for mentioning TPR as an option. We all wish this woman well no matter what course she chooses.
Twitter @ http://www.randijames.com
What everyone else already said: if you’d consider abortion, then consider it and its advantages over your other options, weighing whatever point you’re at in your life with education, career, social…etc
If you’re keeping it, drop the married dude, entirely and don’t look back. Build your strength. You have to commit to this type of decision from the beginning. You will need to focus on yourself and your baby and dude may try to disrupt your life at some point and you won’t need that type of drama. HE IS TOXIC…filter him from your mind as best as you can because you don’t need these energies during your pregnancy.
If you need the child support, go for it through the system. WARNING!! If you don’t need it, please don’t go there as there is so much more involved in this picture, we’d need to have a phone conversation.
You don’t need to explain to anyone what happened, how it happened…matter of fact, make like it was immaculate conception and keep your business to yourself. (This will be much easier if you don’t involve “the system”)
And remember, single motherhood, really ain’t all that bad!!
Twitter @ http://www.coldfeetpress.com
Counseling is priority number one. A non-judgemental, knowledgeable therapist along with an attorney who understands the legal options surrounding finacial support, parental rights and adoption is what she needs to find. All of this can be found at little or no cost. (Legal aid, Jewish Family and Children Services, Catholic Charities etc.)
Priority number two is cutting all emotional ties to her former “boyfriend.” This man has shown his true colors and she should do everything in her power to make sure she does not waste one minute of time trying to mend this relationship. He is everything a woman does NOT want in a man all wrapped up into one. (Dishonest, liar, cheater, unreliable, disrespectful, no integrity, no character–ALL the biggies) She should also be sure to talk to the counselor about why she made this choice–involvement with married man, concieving a child. Why was she willing to do this? She needs to make sure she learns from this mistake and does not get involved with another untrustworthy man down the road.
Twitter @ scottdblog
Put the baby up for adoption
Twitter @ mominapt10b
I really think she needs to go ahead and get a grip on reality at this point. No matter that the man was married. No matter that his wife knows or does not know about this baby. She knew that SHE was getting into when she hooked up with a married man. At this point, it’s all about the child. She might as well start thinking like a mom. NOW.
I personally think she’ll be blessed beyond measure if she chose to give birth and raise her child. Because of the choice she made, it’s not supposed to be easy for and on her as a woman or a mom. It’ll get better as she learns to master life as a single mom. And perhaps she won’t be a single mom very long. But there is definitely a life lesson to learn from this by seeing this one thru without being more destructive. Otherwise, adoption is a great choice! That’s just my personal opinion.
Please tell her to “shake it off!” Get in the game! It’s time for her to kick into mommy mode! From this day forward IT’S ABOUT THE BABY. Nothing more, nothing less.
JackiesMagic´s last blog ..Accentuating the Positive
Twitter @ http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/HowToBeAHappySingleMother.html
I cannot comment on what it is like to have an abortion but I do know what it is like to go through a pregnancy alone and to be a single mum. Although I was married and my pregnancy was planned and very much wanted, I was emotionally on my own and have been ever since. Before I had my daughter I would probably have advocated having an abortion under such circumstances but I can’t do that now. I never wanted to be a single mum but I have never, ever regretted conceiving and having my daughter – she makes me incredibly happy and we have a wonderful life.
Yes, this young women needs professional help to work through her options and to come to a decision and, yes, she must truly accept that she is not going to have any type of support from the father of her child. If he is around in some way for the baby, that’s another matter, but he has already showed that he cannot be relied upon to be there for her as a woman or a mother. If she really takes on the challenges ahead, she could turn this terribly difficult situation into a wonderfully positive one. Being a single mum no longer means the end of her life or being socially ostracised.
There’s a lot of help and support out there. Will this guy make her totally miserable or will she take control and decide upon a life of happiness and joy?
Orit Sutton
How To Be A Happy Single Mother:
An Inspirational Guide To Parenting Alone
Twitter @ http://jeanieinparadise.blogspot.com
I agree that it doesn’t matter how one becomes a solo mother and the judgements of the past are best left there.
There are several paths to take once one does become a solo parent, however – you can be a victim OR you can be a success.
If you dwell on the negatives – he done you wrong, life is unfair, I don’t deserve this – then frankly it may well be that options such as adoption should be explored to give the child the best options – however, when a person is in this situation good therapy is important to pursue to find if you can look at a more positive option.
If however you look at the blessings – it may not be of your chosing, but you child was conceived in the belief in love and it is the best gift to have been given – and find ways (and great books and a good support network) to be the best parent you can be, then life is a blessing to both yourself and the child – and really, the best revenge is living well.
jeanie´s last blog ..A week and a day into the Paris Experiment
Twitter @ http://www.randijames.com
I’m back
“I feel so lost and alone. I don’t know the right way to deal with my situation.”
No one can tell you the right way. You made a poor decision and like anyone else, you have to have the maturity and courage to move forward. What did you learn from this experience?
How do you want your life to be? How would you like to live your life, right now and in the future? What does this picture involve? What does this picture NOT involve? What are you willing to do? What AREN’T you willing to do? Those are the most important questions you must answer.
If you feel like you need counseling, then go, if you don’t then don’t. Counseling is not always beneficial. People do not consider that they must carefully select their mental health professionals, just as they would a car salesperson.
You have to deal with the choices you have made, make the best choices in the future for YOU. It’s your life–you have to live it.
rj´s last blog ..Shattered Men, Fragmented Beliefs
Twitter @ http://lovebabz.blogspot.com
It is so easy to sit in judgement because everyone thinks they would have been smarter. Everyone thinks they wouldn’t have found themselves in this predicament. But truly the only thing that matters is that a child is coming. She is not alone. There are resources and support groups to help women having children on their own. What is required here is clear thinking. Doing what is necessary to ensure that this baby gets the support (financial, spiritual, nurturing) that every child deserves. Who am I to sit in judgement? In this season of miracles, I am reminded of a story of a woman who was unmarried and found herself with child…
Merry Christmas.
Lovebabz´s last blog ..LOVETALK RADIO DECEMBER 2009 SCHEDULE
@Lovebabz We feel blessed that you took the time to remind us, especially in this season of miracles, this is not the time for judgment. Who among us has not with a trusting heart believed lies in matters of the heart?
@RJ Thanks again for adding to the conversation. I’d like to put in a plug for psychologists as mental health professionals. Psychologists are people experts. Counselors with fewer qualifications and less experience typically are less effective in the complicated situations in which many of us have found ourselves.
Twitter @ FullCustodyDad
Congratulations on your pregnancy! What a wonderful life changing opportunity! You may be the future mom of a kid that will change the world, cure cancer, solve world peace! You don’t know. Despite how you feel, this is not the worse thing in life and your world will not end.
So many of us, myself included, enter the world through unplanned pregnancies and then carried on the cycle and create unplanned pregnancies.
Ok, so you are at a life changing crossroads and have been spared a horrible potential marriage. I know, in your dreams you thought it would be “happily ever after”–but my experience and occupation shows, it would have been the worst marriage ever with “suppose to leave his wife” guy. Trust me, you have been given a second chance and don’t know it.
Relationship hurt, gather your friends and family, seek comfort, be sad about the ending relationship. But if it is a “happily ever after” marriage you seek, don’t lose faith, you must move on.
We live in a great world with over 6 billion people, almost all of which are good and at a time of forgiveness and openness. In the last 10 years, I have seen more than 20 marriages of single parents from which the spouse adopted the kids and turn it into a “happily ever after” family. Those moms and dads did NOT go through life raising kids alone for long.
So take this opportunity to draw the line in the sand and make MAJOR changes in your life–get excited about being a great parent, make a commitment to finding better relationship, find a great church, consider finding strong friends who will support you.
OR bless a family with adoption. In the US today adoption of new born babies is a 2 1/2 year waiting list. Bless a family that is praying for the opportunity to be a parent.
Chin up my dear, this will be a positive defining moment in your life. Either choice will be ok. For me, it was this life changing 11 years ago (from the guys side), that made me grow up and I am all the better for it!
Fred Campos / FullCustodyDad´s last blog ..Top 10 Rules for Dating MY Daughter!
Twitter @ http://raisingchildraisingself.blogspot.com/
Glad to see there are more positive proactive comments!
Sophia´s last blog ..Introducing Your Pet to Baby
I am on another side of this. I am wife whose husband had a child from an affair. (Though it was an accident and did not want her to have the baby). Personally, I would urge you to consider alternatives.
If you do this you should be very clear that there will be a lot of people extremely hurt here, you cannot actually imagine all of the ramifications. You and he,and your behavior, all excuses aside are about to drop a bomb in the lives of many people including your child, their child(ren) both extended families etc.
People are suggesting that you pretend this is a sperm donor situation and \i think that is good advice. BUT, that also may not be totally up to you. He will have rights and you should be prepared for the possibility that you may have to share custody of your precious baby with a woman who utterly despises you.
My husand and I have worked things out, but it was difficult and made more so by the existance of this child and the entitled and self rightous attempts at interference from the women. We live far away. He, sometimes with me, sees this child maybe twice a year and thats it until the child is older. It has been horrible and painful to everyone involved, including the other woman. The baby was sick, etc and she was all alone.
And in the name of full disclosure- I despise her and feel very little for the child- I would prefer that this was not part of my life. This is what it is.
It is giving a child a more difficult start than necessary and causing excruciating pain (or further deception) to adults and children who were not part of these cruel and reckless decisions.
The therapist the other women consulted in our case told her to imagine what she would do if she were on a desert island regarBding the pregnancy. I would urge you to do the opposite and think about other people.
Obviously no one can regret (or vebalize it as such) having a child once they are here. But you can make good decisions at this point and do your best.
I wish you luck. Please be prepared for the fact that once you have the child you will not be able to control how it works out for that baby. None of us can, I certainly did not intend the turmoil that this all caused in my own baby’s life when we planned to conceive etc. But we can do our best based on the information we have at the time. The information that you have spells drama and pain. be prepared.
@beenclose Thank you for adding your own experience to our conversation. *Sobering*
I just want to add one thing. You chose to have an affair and let yourself be kept a secret etc. As long as you continue communicate with this man, and if you have this baby he may have some sort of relationship with the child. But this will relegate your baby to the same status, a secret, living in the shadow of his “real” family. That seems to me to be totally unacceptable as a mother.
If you do continue the pregnancy I would not continue the precedent of communicating in this manner. He can stay completely uninvolved or he can be sraight with his wife and deal with all of that if he wishes to. I would not give him the option of a prolonged secret second family. ( by the way, that is not what happened in my case, he told me the day she walked out of the abortion clinic-)
Twitter @ http://www.randijames.com
@beenclose Your honest disclosure is appreciated. In their personal thoughts and visions, people like to live in their own fantasies and illusions and it is wonderful that you give the other side of the story–a story in which I can share, although I was not really thinking of it when I wrote my original responses.
The difficulties that lie ahead could be tremendous and this mother must’nt ignore this fact. I eluded to it with my statement on getting child support. What I blog about on a regular basis, paints a horrible picture–even though, as someone stated above, the fact that this mother will not be in a relationship with this man may be the greatest gift…but in the United States family court system, relationship and history do NOT matter, biological parentage does. Unfortunately, this could turn out to be a mother’s worst nightmare. And a stepmother placed into this situation…good luck
Twitter @ http://www.randijames.com
As an example of what I was referring to PLEASE see the title surrounding Fred Campos earlier in this comment thread.
I was/am in the same situation. I was in a relationship with a man for years who lied about his marriage. We were not a secret. We worked together, went out together. I met some of his friends. He led me to believe that his marriage was not a real marriage, but only for convenience. I am not saying that I couldn’t have made better decisions, but HE was the liar. He spent all that time telling me how much he wanted a child and that his wife couldn’t have children. When I got pregnant by accident, he told me to have an abortion. Why? because his worlds were about to collide and he knew it.
My son is now almost 5 years old. I have been to court because his dad (with his wife by his side) wanted joint custody. The judge saw through his lies where I didn’t. I won sole custody and his father only has supervised visitation. His past DID come to bite him in the butt.
I am used to being a single mom and there are a lot of great things about it. I have learned a lot about myself and know just how much I can take on.
The one thing that I can’t take? That this same married man is still trying to get back into my bed! And now I can’t get rid of him because he has a right to see his child.
I think we need to put aside the blame for this soon-to-be single mom and put it squarely where it belongs – with this married man. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Clearly define what his role is going to be and stick to it. He obviously is quite used to getting what he wants., but this isn’t about him anymore. It is about the child. Take control and do what is best for you and your baby. And don’t for a second worry about him and his family. That is HIS mess.
KS: We’re honored that you joined this conversation. Thank you for so generously sharing your life experiences. It is a big moment of truth when, as you so well put it, a cheater’s two separate worlds are about to collide. Please stop by again.
ks
I am not sure where you live, but I can assure you that misleading someone about your marital status is generally not alone sufficient to prevent someone from getting joint custody. I am a member of a support group for people in my situation and all of them who have pursued custody, and have gone through the courts have gotten joint custody. A couple actually have primary custody of the children (admittedly the mothers in these cases are a mess).
I would not urge OP to go ahead on the grounds hat she can choose to “Clearly define what his role is going to be and stick to it” that just is not the way it works in many cases. Adultery ( which involves lying does not prevent a divorcing husband from getting joint custody. Nor is it necessarily fair to the child. You chose to have a child with this man, you chose him to be this child’s daddy, what gives you the right to keep him away because he lied to his mistress? I am assuming that there is more to your story, or he did not pursue custody from the beginning of the child’s life.
Look, he sounds like a creep…. It is not about “fault” — this crappy situation is the fault of two people (unless he actually lied about being married at all). Infidelity occurs in huge numbers of marriages, in different forms and for different reasons- it occurs because two people are willing to do so. Bringing a child into the middle of these heightened emotions is a recipe for the pain to continue long after everybody could have moved on…. But once that baby is here the father has significant rights. More in some states than others, crapshoot on the judge, but she may not be able to just decide how it is going to be.
beenclose
yes, there is sooo much more to the story. of course there is. i can hardly describe the last 10 years of my life in a couple of paragraphs. My point is simply that a liar is a liar. Cheating on his wife for 4 years with me and 4 other women prior to me, was only the tip of the iceberg. He was also a closet alcoholic and drug user. His wife threatened me when she found out I was pregnant and I had witnesses. They have had “domestic” situations in their home (initiated by her) that have involved the police. He took me to court and throughout the process, his true nature showed through. So, the judge was not fooled and awarded me sole custody.
I fully admit my fault in my situation. I made my own decisions based on the information I had (which were lies). I trusted where I shouldn’t have. I have learned my lesson and will not behave the same way again. I have forgiven myself for my mistakes. What kind of mom would I be if I was carrying around all that blame. So no, I am not lying or rationalizing, I am protecting myself and my child from his father and his family.
Perhaps I should have been clearer in my first comment. It is possible to clearly define the situation – it is called a court order or at least a written agreement. I didn’t say that she would be defining it on her own. But everyone involved needs rules to live by and to stick to them. I am advising that she not let herself be pushed around by this man.
@ks, thank you for chiming in again and sharing honestly with us about what happened. Please stay in touch. We’d like to hear how you’re doing.
All fair enough ks, I assumed that there was extreme behavior and/or addiction in your case because it is very extreme for a judge to grant only supervised visitation.
My point was only that the op should not go into this thinking that she is going to retain control over the situation. Unless he has the extreme behavior/history of your child’s father she probably will not. Nor, would it necessarily be “pushing around” if the father decides that he wants joint custody of this child. Just because he wants an abortion now, it does not mean that, after telling his wife and being confronted with the reality of the child he might not want a complete relationship with his kid. On the other hand, he might try to use the child to punish and control her, but absent real potential/threat for harm, that is not enough to lead to a result like the one in your case.
Twitter @ tashsparkles
I typically don’t admit this, but I’m in the same boat.
As an earlier poster stated, how I became a single mom is my own business. Only close friends know.
My son’s father and I had an intense affair. I moved half way across the country to make a clean break. While the distance ended our sexual relationship, it didn’t end our emotional relationship. (This is an important point.) A family emergency sent me back to my hometown and that’s when my son was conceived. I was in need of comfort and support; he was more than willing to be there for me.
So here I am, with an adorable 4 month old little boy. His father has never seen him up close (he’s seen us from a distance). No one in his family knows about my son. This is one of the most difficult situations I can think of. On the one hand, I’m happy he’s not involved. I don’t have to deal with awkward custody exchanges or as beenclose mentioned a not-too-happy step-parent. On the other hand, I know he’s being a coward. I hate that he’s depriving my son of family – a grandmother and aunts (I’m an only child and my parents are both deceased)! I had to threaten court proceedings but now he pays child support.
Please know that you’ll change your mind constantly over the next few months. Your hormones are not your ally in this situation. And if your baby’s father is anything like mine, he’ll use your hormones against you.
My best advice is to find someone in your life who’ll be honest with you and help you make the difficult decisions. I’m lucky; my bff was in a similar situation as the wife, so she’s been able to play devil’s advocate.
I promise you this, once you hold your baby, everything will look different.
Good luck!!!
Natasha´s last blog ..Thoughtful Thursday
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
Glad to hear you’re feeling more confident about your decision. As others have said, right now just keep your focus on you and your child, and it’ll be ok.
As you step into this journey called singlemommyhood, always remember that you are not alone. Being single and independent does NOT mean you can’t ask for help when you need it. You will need a strong support system and there are many of us who have “been there, done that” (whatever it may be) and are happy to be there for you.
April´s last blog ..Female2Female: Random Meme
I am in your shoes…I am the other woman and I am pregnant…I am so confused! He did leave his wife and has been living with me for 8 months…but there is no mention of divorce at all…I tolh him I was pregnant and his response was that he barely had time for the child he already has…I don’t know what to do? I am in my thirties and so ready to be a mom at the same time is this fair to the child? I know I made some bad decision but even worst is the fact that we work together and almost no one at work knows about our relationship…sure enough if I show up pregnant everyone will want to know who the father is but I am so ashamed I wouldn’t want to tell them. Part of me think who cares what everyone thinks but these are people I will have to see every day. I financially do not need him so I could take care of the baby all by myself but is that fair to the child…I jsut have so many questions and I don’t know who to talk to…
I just recently got rejected by my daughters father. He left his wife and I got pregnant within weeks of his initial separation. He told her I was pregnant and she moved completely out of the house and he told me we would be together. 5 months later he tells me she wants him back and he is going, said he hasn’t felt the same since she moved out (since I got pregnant really). It’s incredibly hard, especially knowing that they were reconciling the whole time I thought he wanted me. My heart is completely broken and I am dreading so much. I know he will not want anything to do with the my daughter especially since his wife hates me with a passion. In my case I gave him the option to terminate the pregnancy, I told him I would if he wanted to go back but he assured me he never would. I know now I was used and in truth unless that man files for divorce, he never is going to. All these men know how to do is lie and we are naive enough to believe it. I am keeping my daughter and decided I am going to pretend he doesn’t exist (even though his sister is my best friend and his family loves me), it’s the only way I can heal.
Kimberly Richmond: So sorry! It’s obvious what a difficult and painful situation this is for you. Please use our loving Singlemommyhood community as your soft place to land. And please take good care of you. Something just tells me you’re going to be a terrific mom. Please stay in touch with us.
I am curious to know how things have turned out for the original poster. Did she have to baby and what is the situation with the baby’s father now?
The same questions for Kimberly Richmond. How did your situation turn out?
A: We’re curious and concerned, too. If either of you care to share, we’re here to listen. Feel free to post a comment anonymously.
I am in the exact same situation . He wants me to terminate because he doesn’t want it to come between him and he’s wife. I not going to terminate but he says if I have the baby he can never see me again.