How should Santa Claus handle divorce?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under All, Kids
As most of you know, both of us always have our kids with us during the holidays. But, for many families, holidays together aren’t the norm. So, when a divorced single mom contacted us for advice about Santa Claus, we were eager to share her dilemma with you.
Here’s what this mom told us:
“My three-year-old son is now that the age where he really thinks about things — and is asking questions. He wants to know why and how, and he has recently started to ask about Santa Claus. For the past two Christmases, my ex and I have split Santa Claus,” she explained. “We’ve told our son that he visits both houses — one on Christmas Eve, and the other on Christmas morning.”
So far, this has worked. Their son knows that Santa Claus is the fat man with a beard and a red suit. But their son’s sense of time – like all kids his age – is really sketchy. Soon, however, their son might wonder how Santa Claus can possibly get to both Mom and Dad’s homes on consecutive days. Other kids at day care may tell him that Santa Claus only leaves presents one time.
Luckily, this mom and dad co-parent effectively. So they’ve chatted about how to deal with Santa Claus’ impending arrival. But they’re both a bit stumped.
So, this co-parenting mom and dad are reaching out to YOU for advice:
How do you handle Santa Claus’ visits – if your child has two homes?
Should these co-parents just stick to what’s been working — Santa Claus visits both houses?
Or, should they change their Santa Claus routine to one visit - so their son’s Christmas experience matches his day care friends?
(Photo via Flickr: saltycotton)
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Twitter @ tailgatingtimes
Santa visits my house every year and he always leaves stuff for the twins. For some reason he only goes to their mom’s house on even years though. I really can’t explain it. I guess he just likes me better.
If he can make it to (nearly) every kid in the world’s house in one night why would he have trouble hitting 2 houses for kids of divorce?
I agree with Steve. If he’s questioning how Santa can make it to both of your houses, he’s questioning the whole enchilada. Stick with what has worked, and rely on “magic” to get you through until he figures it all out.
Twitter @ http://www.threeunder4whatwasithinking.blogspot.com
My children think that my mother (their grandmother) is all the special people’s boss. I don’t know how it started but it works out great. When my daughter lost her first tooth grandma told the toothfairy that the tooth would be under the pillow on the couch instead of in her room because he was afraid that he would wake up her brothers. It works like a charm. Santa knows that he needs to come one night earlier this year.
Jolene´s last blog ..The oldest young person you will ever know
Twitter @ Singlemomindebt
I agree with Steve. Keep the arrangement how it current is, since it is working for you. If your child asks questions about information that he finds out from daycare friends, tell him that Santa hits his house on Christmas Eve before he starts on the houses across the country and then ends with his house Christmas morning.
Single Mom Paying Off Debt´s last blog ..Extra Money for Christmas
Twitter @ tailgatingtimes
I should add that my kids are 8 and they still very much believe in Santa. They even tell me how some movies have it wrong and others are correct. It’s great how they accept magic as the reason reindeer can fly and Santa can get around the world in 24 hours.
The only downside? Santa got the credit for the dollhouse I spent all night building one year.
Oh, Steve! Always make the big present from YOU not Santa!!!
Twitter @ LA_Single_Mama
We’ve only had Santa visit one house, but that’s because we’re never in the same town on Christmas. My ex takes him to the east coast to visit family when it’s his year and I take him to the midwest to visit family when it’s my year.
But, I agree with everyone else — I would stick with what’s working for you.
Another thing to consider, however, is maybe doing a Christmas evening together sometime before Christmas, as you have a good relationship with your ex. We get-together and do appetizers (my son loves appetizers), christmas music, etc. and then his dad and I give him his gifts from us. We always do the parent gifts as “us” and we give them on that night. It solves some problems for us (never being in the same town on christmas) and since we’re able to get along (mostly because i put up with more aggravation than i care to admit), it seems like a nice thing to do for our son.
just a thought…
The way that my ex-husband and I work it out is that I always get our son on Christmas Eve until 10am Christmas day. We tell our son Santa visits both homes and leaves presents for him. We both leave a gift or two from us but he is too young to really care. He just wants the presents! Anyways, this splitting up the holiday has worked and will continue too I hope.
Twitter @ singlemomchrons
Oh come on. Everyone knows if Santa can make it around the world in a night, he can stop twice for my daughter, as he does every year. He just knows to split her gifts between our houses (sometimes he gets confused and has left 1 or 2 of the SAME gift at both houses…we think he does this because he wants her to have those gifts at both houses)..
Whew.
Swati
Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..Adopt a Single Mom Family for the Holidays
My ex just crashed what everyone was telling the kids at counseling and school…he didn’t have santa at his house this year! The kids have been told all year that the up side of divorce (were recently divorced) is that they get two rooms and two houses and two birthday celebrations and Santa comes to both! But he just failed, and didn’t follow through for them, but my boyfriends two kids had Santa at both! I know my ex knew the kids expected this…but didn’t follow through
Well, I have different thoughts about this. I think that Santa should only deliver where the kids will wake up on Christmas morning. Every kid knows that Santa doesn’t start to deliver until Christmas Eve, so if one parent has them Christmas Eve day how would they explain that Santa came early?? That is sure to ruin the magic in my opinion. I am recently divorced and this is the first Christmas my boys will be splitting with there father and me. I don’t want to ruin Santa for them too.
Moms (my) Christmas wish I asked from Santa was that he come the morning of Christmas Eve since its when I’ll have my boys. Dad gets them that night(therefore Xmas morn) -I think Santa will grant my Christmas wish too. I’ve been good. That’s how it’s gonna work out & it’s pretty easy to explain.
I find that the more scientific an answer- the more believable. To our 4 1/2 year old. This year is the first year he seems to really have a grasp on the whole santa thing (courtesy of the elf on a shelf) so we fully anticipate the questions. Luckily we also have a cousin in another country and recently visited another country- so he’s been exposed to the concept of time zones.
We plan on explaining that since the world is so big and the times are different- Santa actually starts his work on our Christmas eve morning which is Christmas day somewhere else.
If he follows suit and does what he normally does he’ll cock his head to the side, think for a second and then say “oh.” and go right back to playing or asking some random other questions.
The “why” stage didn’t last too long once we figured out that a matter of fact answer works better than a simplified one!
Twitter @ halenbugbee
My ex and I are in the same town and get along well. We have santa visit the kids’ primary residence which is my ex’s house. That’s also where they wake up Christmas morning. I just get up early and drive over so we are all together. Was even thinking about crashing there on the couch Christmas Eve so I’m already there in the morning. Either way, the kids experience is the same as when we were married. Everyone will do something different. There’s no right or wrong, it’s what works for you and yours.
Twitter @ mightbeatranny
dad refuses to acknowledge anything like santa, tooth fairy, easter bunny. told our 8 year old, “i guess you were pretty bad so you got nothing”. goes along w/ him telling them they are stupid and “fat”, so “thats why the easter bunny didn’t leave you anything”. my kids left to go with dad for “christmas” this morning. the little one was begging me not to “make her go” because dad is “so mean” to her sister and she’s afraid. he’s already told them that because he bought other things (ipad for himself and jewlery for a girlfriend) that they will be getting things like underware and socks for christmas. can’t deny that they need those things, anything i send w/ them on visits is never there when they come back, and he won’t allow them to leave w/ anything, so they don’t have a change of underware there. but kids like a bit of “magic” on christmas day. nothing that happens at my house is honored or respected. its referred to as a waste of time, money, babyish, or just “stupid”.
Twitter @ singlemombooks
My daughter is almost 12 and still believes in Santa (or at least that’s her story). No matter where we’ve gone during the holidays, we’ve told her Santa knows all and always knows where she’s going to be to leave her presents. So, at bio-dad’s house, grandma’s house, grandpa’s house (yes, that’s right, the grandparents are divorced and remarried, too) … all of them have a present or several. And, if it’s working, just go with it. As the saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Congrats on all that successful co-parenting and happy holidays!
Twitter @ http://hereivelanded.blogspot.com
Santa is magic. He can do anything to make sure the good boys and girls get their gifts.
Twitter @ treasurehuntres
My first year not having the kids wake up with me Christmas morn and it’s been 5 yrs post divorce. Santa will still come but, per our new mediation agreement-they won’t see what he brought till after 11am. I have even years for this holiday.
We’ve never really made a big deal about Santa. Gifts show up under the tree on Christmas morning and it is what it is. The boys write letters to Santa and visit Santa at the store but all the gifts are just gifts. I’ve never differentiated between which gifts were from me and which were from Santa (except things that I made for them) and they’ve never cared. When Squirt was 4, he asked me if Santa was real and I asked him what he thought. He said “I hope so because it’s really fun to believe in him.” I told him that’s a very good answer and that was the end of it. He knows that other kids don’t believe and he knows that it doesn’t make much sense but it’s fun so it’s all good.
The first year we were separated, Dad came to our house Christmas morning and that was it. The next year, the boys were with him Christmas morning but Santa visited both houses. I told them Santa split their presents between houses so that Daddy and I could both be part of the fun. The next year, Santa came to my house and Grandmama came to Dad’s house. This year, they’ll be with him Christmas morning again so I assume Santa will go there. They’re getting a new bedroom at my house (my boyfriend and I made them bunk beds, I’m making new blankets, replacing their “little kid” posters, etc.) so that’s going to be the bulk of Christmas. They’ll have some gifts under the tree and like always, those will be from whomever they decide to give credit to but the biggest thing here this year will be their room (they’ve been begging for that) and no way Santa’s getting credit for that! lol
As for the original question…do what works. My boys were 1 and 3 when we separated, they’re 5 and 7 now. They have friends who Santa doesn’t visit at all, friends who Santa visits once, friends who Santa visits twice, some he visits early or late. Part of accepting our divorce was recognizing that all families are different and they’ve never really questioned the fact that all families have different traditions when it comes to Christmas.
Twitter @ ncabennett
My kids split their Christmas vacation a little differently than most. On even years they’re with me until the 27th and then they spend the rest of their vacation w/ bio-dad & it switches on odd years. How we handle Santa is that he visits both houses. None of our children’s things go between houses, so even if there are duplicates it’s not a big deal. He is usualy broke so there’s not much under the tree for them @ his house, even when they spend a bunch of $$ on his wife’s kids. I just make sure to get them their top gifts & some clothes, books & a DVD or two!
Twitter @ http://gawlas.blogspot.com
Dude, he’s Santa, he can do anything. My kids know I email with him and can let him know what their favorite kind of toys are. And he can tell me that since they’ve been hitting their brothers, I need to put back a toy.
That’s the other thing, Santa and me are tight. He knows he can totally drop the toys off early and I wont let the kids open presents too soon. Santa also knows that sometimes kids want to open present with different people and is completely ok with that.
The true trick is to never, ever, let the story slip, and to believe it when you deliver. Also, kids want to believe in the magic.