Should this single dad try to date his son’s teacher?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under All, Featured, Single Dads
Our Singlemommyhood community is divided over our kids’ use of social media. And that’s OK. Some of you resist your kid’s pleas for a Facebook page. Other parents chose to monitor social media. Recently, we heard from a single dad seeking advice on a dating – or not – dilemma involving his thirteen year-old son and Facebook. Struck by the complexities of this sticky parenting quandary, we really need your advice.Here’s the story:
“My son couldn’t wait to tell me that his math teacher had a Facebook page. And that was just the beginning,” this dad confided. “My son pulled up her Facebook page. Eagerly, he pronounced his teacher *hot* and urged me to ask her out.”
Of course, because his son isn’t Facebook friends with this particular teacher, Dad couldn’t see her entire profile. But, after seeing a glimpse of her profile photo, Dad did not deny this: she looked stunning in a frankly provocative outfit.
Still, Dad wonders how to respond to his son’s well-intentioned suggestion. Dad never thought of his kid’s school as a pick-up spot. Yet, this Facebook profile photo seemed to invite something more than the typical parent/teacher relationship.
So, Dad is looking for advice from other single parents.
Is trying to date your kid’s teacher an irresponsible parenting choice?
Is the potential for fall-out on your kid just too big a risk?
Or is this a narrow minded view?
If you’re a teacher, what’s your social media policy with students and parents?
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Photo via Flickr: Sean MacEntee
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Hmmm….this is a very interesting dilemma. First off, I am not sure how appropriate it is for a teacher to post “sexy” pics of herself on her FB page but I guess that is another story.
Personally, I would not date my daughter’s teacher. I just think that it would be pretty awkward for all involved. Having said that, if this was a person who I believe could be the absolute love of my life I would wait until my child switched schools and then I would perhaps pursue a relationship at that point.
Won’t the son be going to highschool and therefore changing schools anyways? Also, I am sure that the school probably has some policy on that sort of thing so I would be interested in knowing what it is.
Either way, good luck with it!!
Twitter @ http://www.parentinganddating.com
He only saw her picture. We do not know if this teacher has a boyfriend or is even interested. Isn’t all this discussion a bit premature? We all see many attractive people throughout our day. Some of them are on Facebook. So what? Because there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ here, one has to go with the choice less likely to cause drama. The father should just find another ‘hot’ woman to date. At least until his son is no longer in her class. Dating your child’s teacher sets up many dynamics that are just not healthy. Example: Would the teacher be grading his son fairly? Would other studnets find out about their peer’s father dating the teacher and be suspicious of their friend’s progress in class? Is it right to put the teacher in an awkward situation like that by asking her out on a date. IF IT FEELS WRONG? IF YOU HAVE TO ASK A FORUM ON LINE? JUST WAIT OR DON’T DO IT.
Twitter @ http://nokomis-daughterofthemoon.blogspot.com/
Are You kidding me? This is all conjecture in this man’s head! How dare he look at someone’s photo and decide to project his own sexual desires onto this teacher by saying because she was dressed “provocatively” she was “inviting” his advancements. Ummm… It’s a PHOTO!! One she doesn’t even know you’re looking at! How is she “inviting” your advancements??? She is doing nothing more then posting a photo of herself that she thinks is attractive. For him to claim that it is intentionally provocative is pure arrogance. He has to accept that she isn’t trying to provoke anything, and that he is being a completely dumb-ass taking dating advice from his son. Also, if he were a good father, as soon as his son spoke about his teacher in a sexual way he would have reprimanded him- “Son, that is not an appropriate way to speak about your teacher.” Why do men feel they have this open right to treat us like sex objects just because of their feelings toward us? And that is NOT a good example to set for your son. Prowling the internet to get dating ideas. Absolutely terrible.
Twitter @ traciwhitney
At first glance I thought that it wasn’t really a problem, they can just keep their dating low profile until the child moves on to the next grade. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t date a school teacher.
But, the fact that this school teacher has a provocative photo on her facebook page is more troubling. Most school teachers, or professionals, I know are very conscious of what is on their facebook page. And I also agree that he and his son should not be gossiping about how hot is teacher is, that’s not a good example to set. Besides, he hasn’t even met this person, and he’s worried about the prospect of dating her. How about telling his son that he’ll introduce himself and see if she is a nice person first? There are too many other things to consider rather than just whether or not it’s right or wrong to date a teacher.
Twitter @ http://www.dadslastopus.com
That kid’s just trying to find a way to get an easy A!
OK, OK, kidding. Really, though? Questioning whether to break something that’s clearly taboo over a photograph on a Website? The father does know one thing about the teacher, she doesn’t understand the implications of her actions. That’s not really a good thing.
If I were the father, I’d tell the son that dating and relationships involve much more than physical beauty. While he understands his son’s intentions, he doesn’t even know that he has anything in common with the teacher… and what are you doing stalking your teacher on FB?!?!?
I’ve got to agree with @parentingdating, “IF IT FEELS WRONG… DON’T DO IT.”
-Stu
Twitter @ BigLittleWolf
No, no, and no!
Hot or not, and whether he meets her in person and “likes” her for real or not – this is a matter of appropriate boundaries.
If she’s his son’s teacher, he has no business dating her and potentially making for a sticky situation for his child.
If he meets her and thinks he might want to date her at some point (and she’s actually available), then he can wait until she’s no longer in a position to affect his son’s day-to-day life.
This one is clear to me.
Lust after a hot woman whose picture you see? Fine. But keep it to yourself until or unless you get to know her!
Making the determination that you want to date someone purely based on a photo posted on FB or anywhere else? That in itself is, well, dumb.
Twitter @ momma_sunshine
I agree completely with those who are against this. It’s setting a BAD message to this man’s son that just because a woman looks “hot” or dresses provocatively that she’s “inviting” advances from men. Whatever happened to getting to know someone and asking them out based on THAT?
I think Dad needs to have HIS Facebook priviledges revoked!
Twitter @ chopperpapa
Dad should hold off. It’s just in bad form to try and date the teacher. For starters she’s probably going to end up feeling very uncomfortable if he even tries to go there which is going to make the entire school year icky for everybody. Second he will forever be ‘that guy’.
Early on after my divorce I considered, ever so briefly, of moving down that path. Fortunately, wisdom whispered in my ear and I chose otherwise. There’s plenty of fish in the sea which doesn’t require the man to use his son’s school as a fishing hole.
Twitter @ myLovelyParent
All a little wrong, no?!
I have no problem with him dating his child’s teacher. That’s fine. But sitting beside him and checking out her profile? No, that’s a step too far. I’m not even sure that’s okay in 8 years time (although you’d hope the kid isn’t still at school by then!).
Finally as for the social media relationship between child and teacher it’s simply about boundaries. I think social media has a role within schools and education but connecting across a platform such as FB without restricting one’s profile is a dangerous thing to do.
Twitter @ http://365daysofhearingwordpress.com
As a teacher speaking~ who has been asked out by several fathers over the years~ Chopper Papa is right: they are all forever “that guy” and not only that~ the other teachers know as well. And, we have a sisterhood thing~ not good for your child’s reputation~ not at all. And, though, it’s not a school policy not to date a parent~ it’s certainly an unwritten policy. However, it is one thing if you run into your child’s teacher outside of school and she is now a former teacher and you both seem happy to see one another~ that is a whole different story (not, “I saw a hot photo of you on Facebook while my son was spying on you…”~ that would give most women an “ick” factor and think of you as a creep!
I say What the heck, go for it! There might be “many other fishes in the sea” but if anyone has dived in that sea lately, you’ll find that the fishes swimming in it are far away from what we want for us and our children. So as a single parent myself, I advise him: Just go ahead and give it a try! You will never know if it was meant to be unless you give it a chance!
Twitter @ WhitewaterAtty
There are many fishes in the sea… but THIS one is the teacher to his son and he’s ONLY seen her picture. A bit inappropriate and no context other than looks. Let this one go.
The Dad can simply tell his son that the son’s teacher is merely the son’s teacher and not someone that the Dad should date — but that the Dad really appreciates his son’s thoughtful suggestion and help. Essentially: Thanks, but no thanks. Teachers of your children can be fine to date, but only AFTER they are finished teaching the child. If this teacher is really the “one” (and let’s face it, Dad has ONLY seen her picture!), then the Dad can wait until next year. But right now… stay away… it’s not appropriate and not beneficial for your son.
Twitter @ singleguywkids
As a teacher, I have met many a “hot” mommy and also have been hit on by some of them. As a professional I wouldn’t date a student’s parent unless that student had moved on to high school. (I teach middle school.) lol
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, but I do think the student needs to be the primary concern here and not the libido.
I also don’t find anything wrong with a teacher that wants to post provocative pictures on their facebook page. Personally, I wouldn’t do it because I don’t want to the potential problems. However, they should use common sense and good judgment.
Twitter @ miss_sammyk
As a teacher, I wouldn’t appreciate being hit on by one of my student’s parents. Regardless of how good looking, kind, whatever he is. It doesn’t feel right when the student is still in class. If the child has moved on, has no chance of ending up in my classroom again and I run into the dad there, fine. Perfect. We’ll give it a shot if you want.
As far as provocative photos, I don’t put them as my profile picture. I may have pictures somewhere on my FB profile that could be deemed provocative, but they’re not for the public eye. Also, I NEVER accept a friend request from or send a friend request to my students unless they’ve hit 18. It feels uncomfortable and wrong otherwise.
Good luck to this dad. I hope he can make a responsible decision for his son’s sake.
Twitter @ http://newsingledad.wordpress.com
This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Barring the possible but unlikely fairy tale ending, it’s going to leave a lot of discomfort all the way around.
There are a bunch of other kids in the class, word’s going to spread… other teachers will know, and when it ends…
Besides, dad shouldn’t be encouraging the son to be a matchmaker for him.
Hello, I understand that is a difficult situation, however the father needs to realise the situation he would be putting his son in if they split up. Also, I think it is unprofessional for the teacher to be posting provocative photos.
Hello, from a male perspective I think that it is always hard to try and introduce someone new into your child’s life so introducing your teacher could work out to be either very difficult or it could be a good thing for your child. I think communication with your son is a must!