Is your ex getting remarried?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Relationships, Single Moms
Here’s an underlying pain that many divorced folks don’t talk about:
How you felt when you heard that your ex was getting remarried.
These feelings seem to be most hush-hush among women (and men) who have been divorced for years. You might have a very amicable relationship with your ex. You co-parent well together. Maybe you even talked about reconciling at one point.
So, when you hear the news — “My ex told me that he’s getting remarried” — your own response shocks you.
One divorced Mom told us: “All of those old feelings of abandonment — ones I thought had faded away long ago — came bubbling back to the surface.”
She added: “I wasn’t really focused on his pending remarriage. I was astounded that this old pain came back again.”
So, we shook our heads when we read this recent email:
It was from a single mom whose kids came back after a holiday visit with their father. “I was unpacking the kids’ stuff from their holiday visit with Dad when I saw that all the gift tags had his name — and the soon-to-be new wife.”
When I asked him about this, he told me that thought that showering the kids with gifts jointly would make them ‘instantly love’ her.”
This leaves us wondering:
Did you experience similar emotional pain when your ex remarried?
Did you cope with feelings of abandonment? Or suddenly feel lonely or insecure?
Do these feelings eventually dissipate?
Or do these feelings stay with us as part of our life experience?
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Photo courtesy of Ioannas P. Skaltsas via Flickr
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@Lisa2: Thank you for opening up here and sharing your feelings with us. We’re here for you.
I found out a few weeks ago that my ex-husband was getting remarried already even though it’s only been since September that our divorce was finalized. I didn’t want to get one. He felt as if we would never be the same and decided to start over instead of try to fix us. We weren’t married for but 4 years but it was wrought w heartache, trust issues, and abuse (not so much physical but there was a definite incident of that once). I loved him deeply. I can’t let go, try as I might, and now some other woman that I know he will not be happy with (and when I say know I mean know) will be taking my place. He and I have a daughter and she likes her dads fiancee which is admittedly hard to swallow but good. I unfortunately do not like her and for the life of me cannot picture that changing. I am not dating. Can’t really bring myself to expose another being to my pain just yet. I am trying to give myself time to get my feet underneath me. I’m moving out of the house he and I shared. I’m taking care of myself and attempting to figure out how to juggle life without him. And he’s moving on. Full speed ahead. I didn’t even take my maiden name back. Until later on in the day when I found out about his engagement (which I heard about from my daughter) I had our wedding pictures and trinkets on display still. I took them down and put them away. I cried until my eyelids were swollen. I cannot believe how hard this is. Everyone keeps saying to just stop looking back. To reinvent myself. To throw myself into a hobby. My lord how wonderful it would be if knitting could get me through this.
@Jessica: We’re sending you big hugs. Ah yes, we remember hearing the same advice about getting over our exes: try to exercise, date, knit… Take your time. We’re here for you.
My ex husband just brought over his mail order bride from the Phillipines. Is he disturbed or desperate?? Either way, it’s a slap in the face and hurts sometimes to think about. So I try not to dwell on it and hope I find the right person….
I suppose my situation is a little different, I was never married to my ex. He was married before, and to be quite honest, I was probably a rebound for him. I had known him for years, but our actual relationship only lasted about 9 or 10 months. During which, I got pregnant with our beautiful 6 week old. About halfway through my pregnancy, we decided that we were a bad match and we broke up. I was fine going back to being friends, and I do not want him back.
Our daughter was born in October, and shortly after he started dating someone else. This too did not bother me. I thought it was too soon, but figured it wasn’t any of my business anymore. Now, when he announced he is getting remarried in January, I can’t help but feeling used. I repeat, I do not want him back, but I find myself crying all the time.
Unfortunately, this story does not have an ending, since I only found out 3 days ago. I hope I’ll find someways to put these feelings behind me. It’s hard to take care of your baby when all you want to do is cry.
Twitter @ NatalieEngland
My ex went from woman to woman starting before we even were divorced. Each one would contact me on Myspace and tell me that he cheated on them. They would tell me they were sorry if I felt they were involved in any of the drama. Most of these women seemed to be pretty nice women. They all held down jobs and most were single moms.
When my ex was engaged the first time, I was pretty upset. But, he cheated on his first fiancee with the woman he ended up marrying the first time. I was jealous. I wasn’t jealous because I wanted him, but jealous because I hadn’t been re-married yet. Turns out it was a swinger relationship and it ended within six months.
My ex got married again in May. This time I wasn’t upset. He’s cheated on every single person he’s ever dated or married. He is on his 4th marriage and certainly not his last. I haven’t been remarried since we divorced. It has been six years. I know I should get out there again, but right now I need to focus on my kids.
Twitter @ pampatrone
My ex is getting remarried and I am sick to my stomach. I can’t stop crying. He has been with her for 9 years. They won’t marry for 3 of 4 years from now after our daughters graduate from high school. I can’t get over him.
My ex cheated, left me and our two kids. He moved in with her and I had to file for divorce. He got her pregnant and they had the baby. Last august, my kids got on the car and said their dad was married. He is such a coward he had the kids tell me. They moved away in October and I am a total single mom and I hate the stress. I love my kids but hate, hate, hate both of them for what they did. She stole my life. He rejected me and threw me away. The pain is never ending and needless to say I have a horrible relationship with my Ex. He is very hostile to me, verbally abusive. It will be three years in july since he left and I have no life, just bitterness and anger.
@Jessica.. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but your story is identical to mine. Do you happen to have an email?
First of all I hate Facebook.It was partly to blame foe the divorce.I was just helping my aunt fix her computer today when she insisted that I look at my ex’s Facebook account.That’s when I saw that she said thet she was engaged.The fact that I am sobbing while writing this pretty much says that it was news to me. We have two kids together and have been divorced for a little over two years.She recently gave birth to a new child by the new guy and every since then I have been nuts.Even after the divorce and even after the new guy came along we were close ans saw each other everyday,although she was only there for money.But to see her and be near her was worth it.But after the kid came along our relationship except for money has ceased, and I have realized that when I was giving her money everyday she was on her way to see him for god knows what reasons. But at any rate I can’t get over her .I love her.Truly.How could I move on if I truly love this one person?The idea seems crazy to me. I cannot love someone else like I love her ,I feel like I would be lying to every potential mate forever. Not that I have had one since the divorce. Don’t see myself ever getting obver it. How am I gonna handle the actual ceremony???
My ex husband n i were together 10 years married 7. He has recently remarried. She was not the other woman but i feel prevented us from possibly repairing our marriage?? They got together while he was still with ow but still married to tho separated from me. Every man in my life has let me down. I really believed he wouldn’t and even mutual friends and I’ve discovered his own family were shocked and disappointed by his behaviour. Mostly am really ticked off at myself for not being able to move on.
My ex, here’s our sad,horrible story: we were together for a total of seven years. I endured alot with him since the age of 17yrs old. We got engaged when I was 18. He was in and out of jail, he cheated on me way more than once, but always claiming to love me and always let the other’s go. I’m no saint, I ended up cheating too…but unlike him I didn’t get caught. But I told him anyways, because I felt it was only right since we engaged andI was still in jr. college, holding a good job during this time. When I was 20 went on trip and he tried to marry me (litterly wanted to get married and tried to take me to a chapel). At the time, even if I loved him, I told him no because I wanted our family there, I wanted our special day to be shared with everyone. So, let me give you a quick run down, we come back, I’m pregnant (with our beautiful daughter who is now 16). I found out about three months into my pregnancy he is doing herion;( To say the least I was shocked, but I guess I didn’t know him so well. We have so many issues during my pregnancy, I ended up being diagnosed with an STD, and of course he blamed me (remember I cheated too). Well during my pregnancy, low and behold he cheats on me again (no surprise right). But again, he comes back, begs for forgiveness because he wants to be a family. This time I said hell no (maybe it was all the raging hormones) but to my surprise I said no this time. Well during this time, his little girlfriend (she was cheating too because she was living at her boyfriends house during this time) goes to county jail…I don’t know what this girl did, but off she went. So he comes to me claiming he wants to clean up…he is litterally breaking down like I never seen a man break down before. I offer to help him (why because I do love him, he is the father of our unborn child at the time) even if I felt betrayed, hurt, humiliated (you don’t want to know how I caught him cheating during this time…it was litterly a rude awakening). But since I worked fulltime and still tried to go to school, I couldn’t do much. So I coax him into going out of state to be with his parents. He does, now here’s the real slap in the face. I get a call one day after work and the words on the end are telling me he’s living with the girl he cheated on me with, she’s there with her 2yr old son, and they are getting married but he’ll be back to see our baby be born…you could only imagine how I felt. So, I go one with my pregnancy alone…very alone. I mean I had family, mother, father, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins etc…but I felt alone anyways. Well about two weeks before I give birth, I get a card from his parents with $50 dollars (to go towards a car seat or stroller it said). I call up his mother, tell her thanks and that lady tells me you know this is all my fault, I should’ve married him in the first place and none of this would happen, but oh well he’s living happily and married now because per my beliefs he was not giving to just live with her under my roof. Then she wished me good luck in life with her grandchild and her grandchild will always be family and then she tells me he may or not make it back to for the birth of our baby. Well to my surpise he returns in more than enough time to see our child born…he breaks down again after her birth and begs to have his family back together…of course I said no and goodluck. So I go home alone, very alone with our newborn baby. As time goes on, he annuls his marriage (less than year) and we get back together. But apparently his ex-wife at this time, is pregnant (unknown to either of us) and soon another baby is born…my ex claimed up and down it wasn’t his because she had gotten back with her ex-boyfriend (father of her soon) before the annullment. Now, let’s speed forward, he goes to rehab (which I support) after his last stint in jail. I remain working, going to school and being a mom. My family gave him a job when he got out of rehab. And then during this time, his ex with the other child is resurfaces (it gets a little messy agian)…all my issues of trust, anger and whatnot come back again…and we have problems. I leave him (break up with him several times) and once more he proves to me what a man he his by staying away from our child (never visited). We stopped living together and he was sharing a home with some people he met in rehab. Naturally, since I didn’t know the people, or trust him any, I refused for our child to have overnight visits so we go to court. I’m granted full legal sole and physical custody. Now our child is about 2 1/2yo, we begin again (yes, we get back together again) but this time on a dating level (to get to know eachother over. And during a very small break, he decides to date this girl (who is now his current wife). She had two boys, one a couple of months old and the other turning two (same father for the two). They break up once and he tries to come back, but there was so much past hurt and issues and I asked for time to get over things…next thing you know he’s living with the girl, her kids and they get engaged. By now, our child is four yrs old, I have a horrible realanship with my ex because on a wonderful (sacrastically saying) that his parents come for, there is so much issues…he litterly told his parents about my past cheating, STD issue from way back when. Then he marries, and my litterally my sould died. As the wedding preparations were going on, he ends up with a better job, he is diagnosed with hepatitis, he litterly stops all visits with our child completely. This goes on for years until recently. He now his graduate, owns his business, has a beautiful home, custody of the child (the one that was born right after ours) and another child with his wife of six/seven years and he takes care of her boys like if they were his own. I saw him in court (this time he came) to fight me on child support issues and he just stared at me…almost with what seemed like tears in his eyes. And I felt this love that never went away. I don’t want to ever come between him and his family. But I still love him. And our child is now going through issue of feeling abandoned, anger and resentment. And I am too now….why? Why can’t I stop loving this man? He’s done so much hurt to me, our child (who comes first). Now, don’t get me wrong I’m currently with a guy who loves me, my child and wants to marry me, but somehow…I just can’t forget my ex. I just can’t….I love him everytime I think of him…and I don’t know why. As of late we communicated over e-mail in regards to our child and how he wants to be part of our child’s life now…I have reservations and so does our child about this (that is another matter though). And unlike the guy who was court, he was mean and talked rudely, insalted me in the e-mail communications. My responses ended up being just as horrible. But I’m stupid because my heart still loves him and wishes we could all go back and maybe try harder/differently…our child even says maybe we should. But for now, I’ll still love him even if he pays no child support for the past several months and doesn’t make much effort… I still go to school, have my good-guy boyfriend, and my family so I guess that’s all that matters….but all I know is I still love him…ugh…
I married my distant cousin but had grown up loving him very much. We were soul mates. I helped him with his difficult divorce and his two small boys and he helped me with my son and daughter. We were married five years. Most of the time he was a woman chaser that I did not realize until it was too late and he left me but went back to his exwife whom he hated. He divorced her and acts like he was never married for 5 years to me. He acts as if we are just friends and “close cousins” now. But, we were Husband and wife and in the eyes of everyone we were marriagable distant cousins. He can’t say anything bad about me for I worshiped the ground the man walked on. I forgave him and have a sort of communicable relationship on facebook with him. I won’t go to any reunions with our highschool or anything for I don’t want to see him in person ever again. It hurts too much. Today after I have been divorced 9 years from him and married 6 to my wonderful husband I love now…..HE GETS REMARRIED…BUT……THE WEDDING PICS OF THE CEREMONY ARE IN A GAZEBO AND DECORATED LIKE HIS AND MINE…WITH TOOL TIED THE SAME WAY ON THE GAZEBO. OMG..THIS HURTS TO SEE …LIKE A KICK IN THE SIDE WHILE ALREADY IN TEARS…BAM…THERE ARE PHOTOS OF THE GAZEBO WEDDING LIKE OURS. I hope she does not get hurt. They are raising her nephew who is autistic and adopting him I think. I want him to be happy…(I guess)….but the pain does not go away even if you are happily remarried yourself. I mean, it should have been he and I happy. I never should have been cheated on. He should never have been perverted in our marriage or into addiction. Now he is getting older, (47) AND BACK INTO GOD/FAITH…(WHICH IS AWESOME!) BUT….WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN THE RIGHT KIND OF MARRIAGE AND THE WEDDING WE HAD IN THE GAZEBO WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS LAST ONE? I know God has a way of working things out to the best but it still hurts what choices he made that God had to twist into something good. I will never get over the pain and many women know just what I mean. Hope you all who are reading this…..find joy and love and peace…this world is dark unless you find some inner light. Donna.
Hello,
Though i was never married, I was with my ex on and off since I was 16 and Im now 26.WE had our amazing son when I was 23, and on his first birthday we decided to call it quits. After breaking up for a year last year, we decided to give it one more final try, so we moved in Jan 2012. That lasted about two months and I moved out. Two weeks later he had a girlfriend (which i found out from my son)…they have been going out now for 3 months and she just moved in. How can everything happen so fast?! I mean who meets someone with a kid and moves in so quickly. Can you say desperate!! It wouldn’t really bother me as much the fact he met this woman so quickly, but since he involved my son so soon infuriates me. Now this woman is making lunches for my son for school and just seems to be completely trying to replace me. THIS IS THE HARDEST THINGS I’VE EVER had to deal with.Especially now as a single mom, If you have any encouraging words I’d appreciate it.
Many thanks,
When our relationship failed, my ex made me and my then 2.5 y/o daughter leave our house. For the past 2 years my daughter and I have been living in an apartment 3 miles down the road. I went the route of the courts to be sure there was some sort of structured visitation schedule and child support. However, my ex rarely follows both. Anyway, two months after our separation he started a relationship with a woman whom he introduced to our daughter straight away. They became very tight and when, 8 months down the road she was no longer in the picture, my daughter became very sad and confused. Thankfully my ex didn’t let his second girlfriend after me hang with our daughter. Now he’s on his third, and she has a child the same age as our daughter so he introduced them to her 2 weeks after they started dating. I always find out about each one from my daughter, who volunteers the info when she returns. However between each one of these girl friends my ex comes back to me and our daughter. It’s so hard and it must be so confusing to our daughter. I am weak and love him, even after all the bad things he’s put us through. I want to be over him. I want to not hurt. I want to be happy. He lives in our house with our stuff and has time to make new friends and relationships because I am the parent taking care of our child 99% of the time. He’s hurt me too much and I’ve allowed it. I want to move away but fear taking our daughter away from him. But he’s never been a consistent part of her life and he spends time with her only at his convenience.
Michele,
Go to counseling and stop having any communication with ex other than to talk about co-parenting (or business, as I call it).
He is not someone you should be involved with at all, unless it relates to your child.
That being said, I’ve been weak, too, and I know how it can be. It took me a while to stop. My ex cheated on me and then cheated on her with me (and others!)
I found out today(on Facebook) that they are engaged. less than 1 year after our divorce was final and less than 6 months after the last time she caught him cheating(that I know of). I’m not upset in the sense that I wish he was with me, but upset that he’s getting away with all his old tricks all over again. And sad that my daughter hasn’t even been told about this engagement yet, as he didn’t have the courtesy to tell me or her before the “big event”
Take it from someone who has been there:
He is just using you because he can. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t be coming and going. Cut him off from you emotionally and physically. He will either step up and be a dad because he has to, or he’ll fade away. Either way, you have to do what is best for your happiness-which, ultimately, is your child’s happiness because she is with you most of the time.
My wife and I split up 10 years ago and the main issue was that I was focusing on my career so much that she felt neglected and finally had enough. From my point of view I was trying to make a good and secure life for us both and for a future family. From her point of view I was just spending too much time working. We often wound up arguing about it if it came up – I thought I was doing the right thing, she thought what she wanted was right. In the end she said she felt it would be better for us to split and I just went with what she wanted. Even as we were splitting up we still said that we would always love each other. I never had any intentions of remarrying and I suppose I never really thought that she would. A few years ago she told me that she was getting remarried an wanted a divorce. I was absolutely gutted but I told her that I would always be there for her and that I still loved her dearly. She is now married with a baby son and it just breaks my heart. Every time I see her or we talk I just wish we were together again. She recently told me that she would always be sorry that she gave me such a hard time about my work back then. I told her that it was more my fault and that I often wished I had had the vision to see it from her perspective all those years ago. She then said we should stop talking about it because she was on the verge of crying.
I love her so dearly – as much if not more now as I did back then. The people I know who know her and her now-husband have told me that they couldn’t believe she married the guy. I didn’t get into it with them because he’s a really nice man, just not at all someone who I could imagine her with. I think that maybe she felt time was getting short so she married a ‘solid guy’ as it were, to be safe for the future. I don’t know, that’s my theory and it’s one that a couple of other people mentioned too. I would do anything to win her back.
I read this because I too, heard from our 17 yr old daughter that my ex of 4 years is marrying the hoe he left me for. We were married 20 yrs and I knew he was cheating on me with her, yes, from the office! I was devasted and kicked and screamed up to the day of signing the papers and then some. He is going to be husband #3 for her. They both deserve each other but the pain of knowing they are both happy having cheated on their spouses, creating divorce and hardship for me and his daughter just seems unfair to the limit. But, as they say, life isn’t fair so get over it. I will…eventually. I suggest that all of you do the same for your ex’s, like mine, don’t give a crap so we ALL need to stop wasting our time and move forward, shut the door, close the book and heads held high….MOVE ON!!! I will tomorrow after I grieve just one more time…. Roxy
I just found out 2 days ago that my ex husband is getting married on April 20,2013 and the news hit me much harder than I would have ever expected. We have a six year old son together and have been divorced for 1 year, separated for 2 1/2. I didn’t want to leave but I had to. He had an addiction to Internet gambling and would not / could not stop. Not after loosing over $100,000, not after using drugs to stay up to gamble, not after I threatened to leave several times. The ironic thing is that I felt like I had moved on. I too am engaged myself and happy. It’s just that I keep asking myself “has he really changed?” Why would he change for her and not to save our family? After our son was born, we didn’t have sex for over 2 years, he was moody, spent more time on the golf course than with us and had a host of other issues… So why is this upsetting me so much? A friend found their wedding website and showed to me and it was all I could do to keep it together. I am hoping it will get easier but am just so sad right now. I guess I’m mourning what could have been…
My experience was quite different. When I married my now ex, I had reservations, I married him because I thought he was a safe bet, he seemed like a nice guy, simple. But soon after we got married and I fell pregnant, he was none of those things. He was mean, cold, selfish, jealous (of my career) and basically wanted to demean and break me. I hated him with all my soul. At around that time I wished I could leave, wished I could be single again, get my life back, but I was already pregnant, so I had no choice but to stick it out. Then followed the worst 2 years of my life living with his coldness, laziness and selfishness.
Three years later I had left him and rebuilt my life after much difficulty. I then decided to move away and start over as he had already moved on with a woman who I never approved of (as a stepmother to my son, not for him)but he did, so that was that.I still detest her to this day as she has been trying to play mother to my son, and has made my life very complicated because my ex does not have the confidence or brains to know when to draw the line nd has allowed her to come between me and my son, he is one of those types- weak men.
When I discovered that he was remarried I was surprised, then that was what I needed. Finally I was sure that he had been the wrong guy, that I was right to leave him, and now it was MY turn, my turn to live, to move on. Him remarrying was a sure sign that he was the past, a very bad mistake but one that did not define my life. Let her have him, he was never what I wanted, and now I was sure there was no going back, like swine to its vomit, I made sure to move on.
I am remarried now, am facing the prospect of a new life, my ex being the one person who could made that difficult for me. I want to move away, be with someone who I can build a lovely family with, in a lovely new place, rebuild my career and give my son opportunities he would never have otherwise seen.
My message to other guys like me is when your ex remarries find freedom and joy in that. Let that assure you that he was NOT the one for you. Let that empower you to fight for your life, fight for your happiness. Let that be the boundary, the end of him and you and the beginning of YOUR life. Your ex is just a man, not God, probably with his own insecurities and pain, you are too good to waste your life and your time crying over someone who is CLEARLY over you. Move on!
It’s nice to not feel alone. These stories, while each unique, reflect the confusion and heartache I have felt. I’m watching my ex try to re-do his life, but he hasn’t changed himself. We were married for 10 years. We’ve been divorced for only a year, but he’s been with his fiance since well before our marriage ended. He cheated on me. She cheated on her husband. And then he cheated on her with me, under the guise of trying to reconcile with me. He needs to feel special and as soon as it starts to wear thin, he goes and gets attention, and when that wears thin he proposes or divorces just to feel something again. My only advice is to let go. And don’t be a safe place for him to confide anything. Set the boundary and stick to it. It’s good for everyone. There’s no sense in staying glued to the rearview mirror. Justice isn’t up to us.
First of all, thank you for having this forum. Hearing how others have experienced this and coped has helped.
I found out when dropping off my son for Christmas eve that the ex had remarried. I pulled up and there it was – just married spray painted on the car. Then when I picked him up, I asked if my son got clothes for Christmas and the ex said he would keep them and I didn’t need to send clothes anymore. Let me explain that since the end of our engagement 6 months ago, we have an every other weekend arrangement and I provide the weekend supplies – diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. He started bringing the gf now wife to our exchanges just this month. So now this new thing of having supplies for him and just the dynamic of a new person in our mix is scaring me. He has made a point on the last 3 drop offs to talk about how he is going to church now. When we were together, alcohol was his priority and he wasn’t very nurturing with my son. And I knew that on his weekends he was dumping my son on grandma to party. So if he is now church going man, where was the courtesy and respect in letting me know of his wedding plans? And that cruelty scares me into thinking they’ll take my son. We supposedly have a cordial but friendly relationship.
I guess I am in a mourning/angry/shocked phase. I know the best way for me to be is to wish them well and focus on my own life and being supportive of my son’s new family. But the emotions have been hard and the changes have me fearful. I do hope that he is changing for the better and if he has truly come to the Lord then he’ll be someone who will be easy to co parent with or that the new wife brings some sensitivity to the situation. This gets easier doesn’t it?
Guess what mom? Dad’s marrying Shannon! Those words shocked me. Even after 7 years since our divorce. I am baffled…why in the world does this bother me? I would NEVER take him back. He broke my heart.
After 13 years of marriage, he called to tell me that he wanted a divorce. He couldn’t even tell me in person. I was a stay at home mom and all I could think was how are we going to make it without him? Prior to our marriage I was a flight attendant for a major airlines and I gave up my much beloved job after I had my first child. It was too hard to be away from my baby. So I was a “mom” for 13 years to four children. I was now in four little but powerful words (I want a divorce) husbandless and jobless. It was terrifying.
Thankfully God brought people into my life those first few years that helped me financially, helped me find a job, and made sure my children never felt abandoned. So many good and caring people from my church gathered around me and gave us all support. I finally realized he was never coming back and took him to court to get full custody and much needed child support. I eventually recovered my heart (although I will NEVER give it to another again).
After he started to pay his child support, he began to come around again. He sees the kids on their birthdays and on holidays. On these occasions he invites me to go with him. At first, it was awkward but its easy now.
Recently he has been more involved than normal, and I felt like something was brewing but didn’t know what it was. Then a few months ago my oldest who will be getting married in two years, tells me Shannon (his girlfriend) has given him her engagement ring from her first marriage and my oldest can sell it to purchase a ring for his girlfriend. I knew about Shannon since my oldest was a senior in high school, he is now a junior in college. I never thought my ex would remarry because he said that he never wanted to be married to anyone in the first place (I heard this during marriage and after our divorce).
I guess I also hoped he would never remarry too. The announcement has brought back feelings of abandonment, resentment, and hurt. How am I not over this man? These feelings have surprised me because I NEVER want him back. I guess I had always secretly hoped he would tell me he had made a mistake and he wanted me back…so I could tell him to “Cry Me a River!” and by him moving on, I will never get that opportunity for revenge.
Now to my dismay, the deep hurt my ex has caused me has resurfaced and it’s fresh again. UGH! Does it ever end?
Oh my gosh. Do you people hear yourselves? NEWSFLASH: YOU AREN’T MARRIED ANYMORE. For whatever reason, one of you chose to end the marriage and it’s over. Move on with your own life and quit bellyaching. You’ll be much happier when you focus on your own well-being than that of the person you no longer have any ties to. Sheesh.
Sandy, it is easier to say than do. My ex was also recently married after six years of divorce. He didn’t inform me or the kids, thou I thought that our co-parenting style was fine. When I heard the news from his co-worker I was shock then all the old feelings came right back. It was just like digging all the scars up when I thought thoese wounds supposed to be healed. It is so painful but it is the pain that I cannot talk about because we were already divorce. I do not have any right to be jealous and no right to have any feeling about his future. We have two kids together so I know that I won’t be able to completely get rid of him from my life. Everyday, I still have to pretend to be strong and continue maintain that co-parenting relationship and hide all the emotion from my children. This is more painful than divorce.
Okay, so get ready, here’s my story. Dated my ex for five years before getting married. Owned my own home, and he begged me to have his name put on the deed, which I never did because his credit sucked. Six months into the marriage he decided to experiment with crack cocaine. At the time my daughter was 19 years old, and he started sexually harrassing her. She had him arrested, and he had to post a 20,000 bond. After that his arrest record was very long. He was fired from his job, and lived with his parents. Now fast forward seven years later, he’s clean, working, and started dating someone 6 weeks ago. Just found out that he’ll be getting married March 2013 after only dating this woman since late December, 2012. Yes, it’s been hard for me to handle. Why, I don’t know because I know that I’m much better off. I’m blessed with a wonderful family, friends, and a church family. I guess now that he seems to be doing so well, that I feel that it should’ve been us forever. Why does it seem that the person who does the hurting ends up being the winner? Everybody keeps telling me that God is closing this door for me so that he can bless me with something much better. I do believe in the closure, but it’s so hard to see right now. Comments anyone?