Please help an aspiring solo mom make a BIG choice
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Choice Moms, Contests
It has been exciting to meet so many Choice Moms this month. We’ve also heard from quite a few single women — who’ve been lurking here — as they think about the possibility of becoming mothers.
We’re honored that these potential “donor shoppers” are coming to Singlemommyhood for advice as they imagine the possible reality of becoming moms. We know that the future can be overwhelming for any prospective choice mom. Just thinking about where to start — like choosing a donor — is a serious decision.
That’s why we’re sure that many of you (whether you’re already parenting alone or co-parenting) will have answers to this important question:
If you could hand-select a quality in bio dad, what would the MOST essential quality be?
For example, some women say that a man’s education is at the top of their list. Others would tell you that it’s a guy’s mental health that matters. We welcome everyone to leave a comment. If you’re a single mom (or dad) who can offer advice to this prospective choice mom, please chime!
If you’re a woman who’s thinking about becoming a choice mom — or you’re already a choice mom who’d like to add to your family — please let us know this in your comment.
Here’s why: Prospective choice moms who leave a comment are eligible to win a Donor Matching Consultation from California Cryobank! Donor Matching allows you to select up to 12 sperm donors. Then, their experienced matching consultant will compare a photograph you supply (of a relative, brother, friend, etc.) to your selected donors to determine which donors’ facial characteristics are most similar to that of your photo.
~~~
Contest is open through Monday, Oct. 16, at midnight EST.
(Photo courtesy of Matthew Bowden)
|
Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
|
Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
No related posts.
Good genes and mental health, definitely.
That he have a heart, integrity and a good sense of humor!
Twitter @ BigLittleWolf
What a fabulous, fascinating topic! I’m not sure I would know what to recommend. There’s the obvious – health – and whatever appearance factors you think might work well with your side of the family. But I think I would consider other things entirely, after all these years of parenting.
I feel most fortunate to genuinely like both my sons. As people. I always have. I admire their natural curiosity, their honesty, their questioning minds. I admire their creativity and their humor. What I enjoy in them as people is what I enjoy in my friends. Beyond loving our children, if there is a way to “select” what may increase the likelihood that they will possess qualities you can nurture and encourage – qualities that matter to you – why not give it a shot?
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Timing is everything
Twitter @ calliopeblogger
I am a Choice Mom to a super fantastic and amazing toddler. I will now confess what was at the top of my search criteria when looking for donor sperm in order or importance to me:
1) Proven success as a donor
2) Ethnic background
3) Eye color
4) over all physical health and family health
5) adorableness of baby photo
6) height (being honest!)
7) cleverness in essay
8) hair color
9) open donor (id release upon child’s 18th birthday)
10) availability
Calliope´s last blog ..A Year Ago
Ethnicity
Height
OpenID
That something that just clicks for me. I can’t explain it though.
Twitter @ http://babyfor1.blogspot.com
Hi,
Well after all of the obvious that most people have listed I made a final decision based on the essay my donor wrote in his profile. I chose an Open Identity donor, and when my daughter asks about him, I want to tell her that he really understood that by donating he was creating a life, and that he really wanted to help people make their dream of having a family come true.
So for me, the donor’s motivation in donating was important.
Genkicat´s last blog ..Work
Ethnicity and great health (equally important)
Open ID
How many women he’s already gotten pregnant
Donor Essay – why he did it
Education/Accomplishments
Physical health
Physical appearence
I also entirely agree with Calliope. The reason I don’t put an emphasis on mental abilities (education, IQ, etc) is I believe these things are not genetic, but learned behaviors. So since I would be the one raising the child, it’s my IQ and education that matters.
Welcome @Joy! And thanks for the eye-opening comment re: putting physical health and appearance above mental abilities. We’d love to know if other choice moms agree?
I think their track record with proven success and their health history are what I look at the most.
Twitter @ http://erinlaughs.wordpress.com
1) Open ID
2) Eye Color
3) Proven Success
4) Family health history
5) Personality
When I chose, I wanted someone who would have been Prom King. Athletic, smart, well liked – basically well rounded. I also wanted it to be someone I would possibly have dated, so his personality needed to click with mine. Since I have alcoholism in my family, I wanted to make sure he didn’t have any in his.
Erin´s last blog ..Tiny Bits
I am hoping to start my journey as a single mother by choice JANUARY 11.. I am praying everything goes okay…
1) Family Medical History
Sometimes it does scare me that some of the information may not be truthful, I do look at neurological family history (such as a Learning Disability) It would not bother me if he or a family member had one. It would just be information that I’d like to know.
2) Physical Appearance..
As someone who plans on doing this as a SINGLE Mother I want my child to have as many as the same qualities as I do. As well as members of my family. Brown Hair, Blue Eyes, Fair Skinned.
3) Height/Weight
Height is kind of a issue with my family. Both of my parents are not very tall people, I am not a tall person standing at 5’4. I am actually looking for a donor that is at least 6’0. And at a healthy weight. Obesity runs on my fathers side, I’ve had to watch myself with it for my entire life. Its something I’d rather not pass on.
4) Essay..
Everything in the essay is important. Why they did it, what advice they would give, I like when they talk about their own families.
Twitter @ VegasInza
I’d have to say
1. Good Mental Health
2. Family health history (very important. I was adopted and have no idea about my bio family’s health history. Physical or mental)
3. Personality
4. Height (i’m only 5’1″)
5. Open ID
Thanks, Amber. The essay does seem quite revealing. Fingers crossed for a successful start to your journey on January 11. Please keep us posted.
Thanks, Jenn, for adding your thoughts. No question about it. Track record does matter. Please visit us again soon.
Twitter @ n/a
I opted to have a baby on my own last year (he is truly the love of my life!) and it took me two months to go through donors, with the help of family and friends. It was ironic since I am so picky when it comes to choosing who I would date, and now, there was way too much information to disseminate when choosing a donor! I ultimately went with my gut feeling on a donor ID that stuck out. He was not 100% perfect, this is what I had trouble with coming to grips with. But he possessed all the qualities I realized I wanted in a mate: educated/ambitious, good mental history, good genes in general. I listened to his audio, too, to get an idea of who he was. Good luck!
Definitely height and eye/hair color (eye/hair similar to my own, but height so the kid could have a chance at being tall). Then I purchased the audio interview – I wanted to hear the way he reacted to questions. That told the most out of everything I purchased.
Hoping to have my first IUI in November!
ms. s :Thanks for chiming in. We’re trilled to hear of your plan. Do keep us posted. And please visit us again. Finger crossed!
Integrity.
Ability to Love… feel and give it (sounds easy but some people do not know how)
I’m late to the party, but hey fashionably late is always in style,right? So here it goes. Mind you i come to this place with a background in breeding and pedigree crunching. That also includes sharpened skills in genetic testing and health screening for the most healthy intelligent progeny.
I completely disagree that intelligence is NOT hereditary ,but learned. If a child has a low IQ or is mentally handicapped it doesn’t matter how much drilling/tutoring you do there will be a point at which they’ll stop improving. I taught grade school too.
(1) Open ID/ proven producer
(2) Doctorate recipient. He/she needs to be able to earn a living that gives them financial freedom as well as excess to contribute to my twilight years. at my advanced maternal age i won’t be around too long before i kick the bucket or need to go into a retirement resort:) Plus I’d like them to be able to pursue their dream educationally or professionally with ease if it involves money i don’t have but scholarships can provide. I didn’t get to go to vet school.NO artist types. Creative is cool, but it doesn’t always generate a steady income and i don’t want the kid in my basement at 40 still trying to find himself.
(3) Excellent family health. Quality of life is greatly improved when you aren’t tied down to pills, potions and pain. I want a donor of a different race than myself to break the cycle of diseases inherent in my ethnicity.
(4) Easy going ,calm disposition ,funny dude.
(5) Good looking with full head of hair.why not? Life is easier for the pretty people. It’s absolutely not necessary that they look like me. Eye color,hair color,texture is all superficial imo and unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
(6) At least 5’9. I’m average at 5’4 ,but i have male friends the same height or shorter and dating is bit hard on them as they are always looking up.Plus a quarterback needs to be able to look of the line of scrimmage of the opposing team. lol
(7)Besides academia i would like him to have an interest in playing or watching sports, hiking, camping.Outdoorsy and down to earth. Bonus an appreciation for Jazz, classical music.
(8) a social butterfly with a outgoing personality, socially aware and community/ FAMILY oriented. An all around compassionate person.Articulate. A leader.
*It’s okay if he did it for the money to pay for school. It shows he is resourceful. And to be honest with all these guys have to go through in the 1.5 yrs before their sperm becomes available to the public i would have to think they are sincere a little. I don’t need a 5 page essay to sell them. Just something that gives me a peek into WHO he is that’s all.
Thanks Santa:)
Em: SO pleased you stopped by … thanks. Love your list. Especially the part about resourceful. And we do agree that the waiting period does show sincerity and commitment. We’re hoping you visit us again soon.