Please help this divorced dad — he needs dating advice
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under All, Dating, Featured, Single Dads
We’re honored to watch our Singlemommyhood community pull together to help each other stay responsible parents — and get a life. So, when this divorced dad contacted us, we rushed to share his dating dilemma with you. We count on YOU – thanks!
Here’s what this divorced dad told us:
“I’m a divorced father with custody of my two children — ages five and eight,” he explained. “After two years I’m starting to date again. And, frankly, it’s a bit more complicated than I expected.”
This devoted dad coaches his daughter’s soccer team. A couple of weeks ago, he met the mom of one of his team members — and he sensed chemistry. He’s now talked to her a handful of times. She doesn’t wear a ring. He’s never spotted another man with her at the games or practice. And she’s got a different last name than her daughter.
This guy isn’t sure of his next move. He doesn’t want to offend this woman. He’s trying to avoid sticking his foot in his mouth. And it’ll be awkward if she totally rebukes him. Ideally, he’d like to come across as funny and lighthearted — not like a guy poking around asking personal questions.
So, here’s what this soon-to-be — fingers crossed –dating dad wants to know:
How can he find out if she’s got a husband or boyfriend in her life?
Should he just straight out ask her if she’s single and unattached?
Or is there a more subtle way to find out if she’s available?
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Photo via Flickr: Awkward Boy Hero
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Twitter @ Blessedmommak
I like the straight forward approach. If you have established a rapport, just broach the subject of perhaps seeing more of this person. Ex. I really like our conversations, if you aren’t seeing anyone or attached, maybe we can get together some time to talk more….something like that gets the job done without making assumotions. You can’t be offended by a simple inquiry- she’d probably be flattered at the very least.
Twitter @ mightbeatranny
do you think dating the mom of one of your daughter’s team mates is a good idea? i don’t. would let this go.
I would continue to talking casually and see if the floor opens up for that particular topic…if a conversation got a bit lengthy and you see the opportunity jump on it. I too find this dating 2nd time around very much different than years ago before getting married the first time. Many things are a bit more awkward and just overall different. If you’re feeling bold, there’s definitely nothing wrong with outright asking her…but totally understandable in not wanting to offend. Good luck
Twitter @ 5ksandcabernets
As a once-divorced dad who has had to get back out in the dating scene, I think I can help. No. 1, when you guys are talking, ask her what she does with her spare time, what she does for entertainment. That usually gives a woman the license to tell you all about her boyfriend/husband/hot interest. If she tells you her hobbies and and doesnt list a love interest, then perhaps you can use that “opening” to figure out if she’d want to go out. And there are subtle ways to do that, in fact, while she is telling you all about her hobbies, etc., she if she says she does something you like to do, you can easily say, “really, you are into wine tasting? I’d love to do that.” Then, you’ve told her you are interested in the same thing she is interested in. From there, let her make the invitation (if you are the shy type).. Hopefully, she says, “Well, that’s great, you should come with me to the next wine outing.” — Good luck.
Kevin´s last blog ..I am too cheap to by my own Fort Worth Labor Day 15k race photo, so here it is via screen capture
@Lisa: Indeed, dating the second time post-divorce (when you have kids) feels SO different!
Just ask her, straight out.
Just ask her. Women like honesty; not ploys.
ms.mrs.:That’s short and sweet. Just as Asia suggested. Thanks for chiming in.
Twitter @ http://nokomis-daughterofthemoon.blogspot.com/
Always be straight forward. I really like it when guys are straight forward with me.
Michelle´s last blog ..Nokomis: Desperado
Twitter @ http://365daysofhearingwordpress.com
I once had a friend tell me outright (these are his very words): “Don’t take it the wrong way, but I’m very attracted to you.” Whew, I was beyond flattered and speechless. But we ended up dating for 9 months. It worked!
Avigail74´s last blog ..The Four Day Trip
Twitter @ http://www.farfromflawlesslife.blogspot.com
Yes, ask her! DO NOT WAIT FOR HER TO ASK… or hint around, just say something like. “I’d like to spend some time with you, would you like to go __ with me?” If she happens to be in a relationship (doubtful or you would know it by now), she will be beyond flattered. If not, you’ve got a date!
Go for it!
Missy June´s last blog ..Paychecks and Bills and Payments, Oh My!
Twitter @ Edie\'s eEden
I completely agree with the idea that you should ask her without beating around the bush. Good Luck!
Edie: Thanks for chiming in.
I like Missy Juse’s idea…say EXACTLY that, and any woman will be flattered! I say she must be single…you would definetly know by now if she was attached. Last year I had this same issue with my son’s baseball coach. We dated briefly, but his divorce was just too new…go for it!
im sorry…i meant i liked what Avigail74 said….i was mixed up!
Does he ever see her talking to any of the other soccer moms? I think I’d just ask one of them if they know what her story is. If the moms know each other, chances are they will know if she’s at least divorced even if they might not know if she’s dating someone currently. If he founds out that at least she is not married, then he could maybe ask her directly if she’s currently dating anyone. Good luck!
Twitter @ WhitewaterAtty
From another divorced dad, I understand that this is difficult. I wouldn’t just ask her “Are you seeing anyone?” or “Are you married?” — that could put her in an awkward position. I would instead suggest a subtler approach: ask her to lunch/coffee/drinks. Women are smart, if you ask her to lunch/coffee/drinks, she’ll most likely know that you’re possibly interested and that gives her the opportunity to TELL you that she’s with someone. And if she accepts, goes out, and doesn’t mention anyone, then it’s clear that she’s available (or willing to cheat, but let’s assume she’s honest at this point). If you’re not sure, you can even bring up being a “single parent” yourself and see how she responds.
Twitter @ http://hereivelanded.blogspot.com
Ditto what WhitwaterAtty said.
C Lo´s last blog ..imagine
It’s tough definitely. Don’t hit her head on, but dont’ wait much longer. Watch for a drink or somethink that she likes. My tactic has actually been to include the kids the first time right after practice to McDonalds or something. Then from there find a subtle way to suggest coffee with “just the adults next time” – see how that goes. Good Luck!
Dave´s last blog ..Strollers For Toddlers – The Kolcraft Contours
Dave: Thanks for joining the conversation. We always appreciate hearing from dads.
Twitter @ MommyMe
Women do love honest men!!! No poking or digging. Straight to the point.
If he’s already been chatting with her then I think he should come right out and ask her.
Nina´s last blog ..Irrational Mommy Fears…..Part II
Nina: Agreed! Honesty does go a long way. Thanks for stopping by.
Twitter @ muminawe
Just ask her – even if it’s for a cup of coffee some time. Preferably without kids if you want a decent conversation. Otherwise with kids at McDonald’s is great. Be honest, go VERY slow. Just find out if you like her as a person first, and work from there.
Wendy´s last blog ..Roast pumpkin soup with blue cheese
If you’re not sure, you can even bring up being a “single parent” yourself and see how she responds. |
hunterX0506´s last blog ..car racing games
why not ask if she & her daughter would like to get pizza or icecream after a game?
Twitter @ singleguywkids
I agree with Kim. Though I try to stay away from people who are constants in my kids’ lives. (That seems to be everyone these days.) lol Just ask if her and her daughter would like to grab some ice cream after a game. If it makes you feel more comfortable, invite the whole team and it may put you both in a less awkward situation, where you can learn more about her because you will be in a different environment. It’s a pricey way to go about it, but the girls on the team will love you for it.
Twitter @ allperky
Thank you so much for this. I am also a single parent and I have been wondering about starting to date someone and find a partner who can take care of me and my kids. I just hope your advices would work. I’ll let you know if it does.